Suits (My Worst Partner-Enemy)

It Wasn't Enough

Tears fell from my eyes as I laid sideways and covered my face. A couple snot was coming out so I grabbed pieces of tissues to wipe. I sniffled, shedding another tear. I blew my nose and left the tissue beside my forehead. The words from our phone conversation replayed in my mind. 'You know I loved you Lizzie! I loved you a lot, I would never had done what other guys would do.' 'Like what?! Seeing someone behind my back?! The fact I had to find out from your Instagram and practically fight every day to show I love you.' 'Well then why'd you do it?!' 'Because I loved you! But it always seemed like it wasn't enough like I wasn't enough! I covered my face with both hands and shedded a few tears. I grabbed another piece of tissue to wipe my eyes and red-turning nose. My eyes closed, letting one more tear fall. I wiped it while focusing on my breathing. 'Lizzie....' 'No! See, this is what you do! I'm only the medicine you take whenever you need it because it was safe! With Angela, it's all happy dates, kisses, sweet hugs, loving quotes and captions crap! Yeah, a million witnesses on Instagram would say otherwise. I kept believing you were being true to me and all this "I wanna be with you", "I love you more than anything", "I don't love her, I love you." Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! If you loved me that much, I would not had to fight for it.' I wiped my eyes and laid on my back. I inhaled a deep breath. Negative thoughts roamed my mind which I tried shaking off. But I've always had a different way of getting rid of them. I opened my nightstand gore and pulled out my blue songbook titled 'Love Yourself'. I struggled discussing my feelings out loud so I discovered writing, especially a song, was the gateway to help. Even the negative feelings or thoughts I'd feel was an easy part to write down. I grabbed a pen off my desk before flipping through written pages. An empty page availably shown. I sniffled and wrote down a title I knew so well was true.

You Broke me First

Maybe you don't like talking too much about yourself
But you shoulda told me that you were thinking about someone else
You're drunk at a party or maybe it's just that your car broke down
Your phone's been off for a couple months, so you're calling me now

I know you, you're like this
When shit don't go your way, you needed me to fix it

And like me, I did

I paused, covering my mouth for a quiet sob. It hadn't stopped the angry feelings over what happened between me and William so I kept writing because I know I'll explode if I don't.

But I ran out of every reason
Now suddenly, you're asking for it back
Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?
Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had
But I don't really care how bad it hurts
When you broke me first

Took a while, was in denial when I first heard
That you moved on quicker than I could've ever, you know that hurt
Swear for a while I just stare at my phone just to see your name
But now that it's there, I don't really know what to say

I know you, you're like this
When shit don't go your way, you needed me to fix it

And like me, I did

But I ran out of every reason
Now suddenly, you're asking for it back
Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve?
Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had
But I don't really care how bad it hurts
When you broke me first

What did you think would happen?
What did you think would happen?
I'll never let you have it

I dropped the pen before covering my face to let out a huge sigh. I uncovered as I shedded a small tear and wiped it.