Exit Wounds | Noah Sebastian

T H I R T Y T H R E E

"Do I have to go?" I whine, the sky isn't even awake and I shouldn't be either.  The guys played their last show last night.  Instead of going home like everyone else, Noah booked a hotel.

"Yes," he replies emphatically.

I had kept up with my therapy sessions, and it was now something I looked forward to.  I felt much better in terms of grief.  One day, one step at a time.  I missed him, so much, all day every day.  I missed him a little more on the days when something would happen and I would want to call him and tell him about it.  I replayed videos of him on most days, remembering his smile and his silly attitude.  Noah sits with me while I watch sometimes.  And we talk about him a lot. I hate that I got so lost in my grief I couldn't be there for him, but we could lean on each other now.

I roll my eyes playfully at him as I pull myself out of the first real bed I've slept in in a long time.  We are in Oregon and Noah had planned a hike for us this morning.  It was fall, and the temperature was great, there was no reason to be up this early.

"It's a short hike, it'll be like nothing.  And then I'll buy you doughnuts," he bargains, watching me get dressed.

"What if we skipped the hike and just got doughnuts," I grin, stretching up to kiss him to sweeten the deal.

"Nice try," he swats at my ass and I go brush my teeth.  Noah and I both wear hoodies and sunglasses, they were getting more and more popular every day and it was impossible to hide.  The hoodies and the sunglasses wouldn't help much, but it would help a little.

Noah and I take a car 30 minutes outside of Portland where we are staying to Multnomah Falls.  You can see the falls from the parking lot, and there's a small bridge before the second bridge.  There are no other cars in the parking lot.  Noah and I make our way up to the first bridge, I try to stop him, but he wants to go all the way to the top.

The hike is only a mile long, but it's straight up.  We wind up 11 switch backs, straight up,  I'm panting by the time we make it to the top.  Noah is quiet the whole time, distant.  Every time I try to start a conversation he answers me shortly.  Somewhere around the middle of the hike I stop trying to talk to him.  I don't know what happened to turn him into a different person from when we got up, but this mood swing is unlike him.

I don't want to compare him to Caleb, but the way he's acting is almost how Caleb treated me right before I found out he had cheated on me.  I didn't want my brain to go there, but I couldn't stop it.

I notice Noah's hands are shaking while we explore the creek at the top and I can't hold my tongue anymore.

"What is wrong with you?" I ask gesturing at his hands, was this a sign of a stroke?  I couldn't carry him off this mountain, I'd have to roll him and hope for the best.

"What? Nothing," he replies, rubbing his hands on his legs and shaking his head.

"Why are you lying to me?" I counter, I hate this feeling.

"No, Laney, I'm not lying," he says looking around again, shifty, shady.  He puts his hand in his pocket again, fingers something there before shaking his head again.

He was lying, I could tell.  What I didn't know was why he was lying.  I pushed all of my worries down, I didn't want to argue with him on this mountain.  I'd hate for him to make me push him off.  Without any discussion I started back down the path, I hear his long strides to catch up to me.

"Laney," he calls and I turn to him, expectantly.  "Please don't be mad at me right now," he begs, pushing the hair out of his face.

"Stop being shady," I counter, crossing my arms over my chest.  The trail is straight down now, and I have to keep skipping to keep my toes from pushing a hole in my shoes, so trying to look mad just looks ridiculous.  Noah cracks a smile as he also skips down the path, his smile breaks my mood.  Maybe I was overreacting.