even if he falls :: lashton

six

six

luke was trembling on the walk from the bathrooms to ashton's car in the parking lot, parked in the student of the month spot.

ashton wasn't sure if it was because he was cold or if it was because he was shaken up from his previous attack, but either way, he shrugged off his varsity jacket like in the cliche movies. he draped it over luke's shoulders and looked down as luke looked up at him, shrugging his arms into the jacket gracefully.

"we're going to nando's," ashton chuckled. "it's kind of a tradition."

the smaller of the two giggled, creating little sweater paws with the ends of the jacket that wasn't his own. "that's okay. are your friends nice?" luke asked, feeling sort of nervous about hanging out with some of the football players. if only calum was here. 

ashton laughed. "yeah. they're not like on tv," he said, and luke relaxed a little.

they made it to ashton's car, a little white one with a few scratches here and there, but otherwise, nice enough. it almost screamed ashton. ashton held the door for luke, which reminded the blonde that chivalry wasn't dead. he got in, noting the random food trash and cups in the cupholders and the pink, sparkly bracelet that was dangling from the rearview mirror. when ashton was starting up the car, luke asked him about it.

"oh, my sister made it for me years ago," he sheepishly confessed. "she kinda' forced me to put it there, but i don't mind. pink is definitely my color." luke peeked an eye at ashton to find him making a silly face, which cracked luke up.

"i love pink," luke admitted. "can't wear it around people, though."

ashton furrowed his eyebrows, tightening his grip on the steering wheel as he began making his way out of the parking lot. "why's that?" he asked and luke looked at him with a confused expression. "i bet you'd look really pretty in pink."

"people would judge me," luke said, cheeks sporting the pink color they were talking about. "i can't wear anything girly now anyways, now that people know i'm gay."

"fuck them, luke! if you want to wear pink and look pretty, do it," ashton suddenly erupted, making luke jump in the passengers seat. he brought his knees up to his chest as he leaned his face on them, his cheek smushed against the material of his black jeans. "you can't let other people dictate your happiness."

from then on, it was quiet in the car. not awkward, because luke was staring out the window and thinking about what ashton had said. it was true, he spent so much time worrying about being the closest thing to perfect he could be in order to make others happy, that his own happiness was in jeopardy. he didn't even feel happy anymore; he was just stringing himself along, with his shoes scraping the ground underneath him. his mind was in the clouds. he couldn't focus on schoolwork, or making things right with calum. he was letting himself go because his mind couldn't choose where his priorities were, and that's why he was so fucked up. that's why he had attacks all the time, because all of his problems screamed for his attention all at once and he didn't know what to do so he just freaked out.

his thoughts overwhelmed him as his mind felt heavy, and so did his eyelids. they began to close as the world swept by in a blur of grass and tar, and eventually he was dreaming in the passengers seat of ashton's car, his head pressed against the window and his arms holding his legs to his chest.

at some point the car pulled to a stop and ashton looked over, finding luke with his mouth slightly propped open, his eyelashes sweeping his cheekbones in a friendly hello and his cute, button nose turned up in just the most perfect way. his lips were a darker pink than before and ashton could see a little birthmark on his chin. as quiet as he could, he climbed out of his car, pocketing all of his things and then shutting the door as gently as possible.