even if he falls :: lashton

twelve

this is long as a motherfuck fyi

twelve

ashton opened his eyes at the sound of his alarm, taking a deep breath to focus on what the noise was before reaching over to shut his phone up.

he heard a small groan, and then hands groping at his waist. ashton looked down to find luke on his chest. somehow during the night, he'd moved almost completely on top of ashton, his body blanketing half of the older boy gracefully. he had one hand on ashton's hip, and one under his cheek on ashton's chest.

"luke," ashton whispered softly, reaching to run his fingers through luke's hair. "c'mon, we have to get ready for school."

it dawned on luke that he'd have to go to school again. and he fucking hated school. "no, i don't wanna' go," he whined, tears almost starting to sting at his eyes. "i don't wanna', ashton. everyone there hates me and i'm no good at my classes and i can't go back. ryan's gonna' pick on me, ash . . . please."

but on the other side of the bed, ashton was kind of panicking. he had never had a boy spend the night in a non-platonic way. he didn't cuddle with boys or sleep through the night with them in his arms. luke was near tears while he prodded at ashton's chest, and it was kind of overwhelming him this early in the morning. ashton, as gently as he could, pushed luke off of his body and backed away slightly. "i'm sorry, but you have to," he said, and then climbed over luke so he could stand up off the bed.

luke sniffled, wiping at his eyes harshly to make the tears stop coming. "okay," he muttered, sitting up and staring at his lap for a few moments, then standing up. ashton was already halfway dressed, standing in some black skinny jeans and no shirt.

he pulled on his jeans from the end of the bed and looked around, finding his shirt and cringing. "can i borrow a shirt? i wore this yesterday, so . . . " ashton hesitated before nodding, finding a shirt that was too small for him and handing it to luke.

ashton grabbed his bag, and luke's, and told the blonde that he'd be in the living room. luke felt awkward, nodding as he pulled his vans on. he grabbed his phone that he'd plugged in and scratched his leg through his jeans, unsatisfied by the lack of contact his thigh felt with his fingernails. luke looked around, then opened up ashton's bedroom door and walked quietly into the living room, finding ashton sitting there patiently. he stood up when luke entered.

they wordlessly went out to the car, luke's mind racing in a manic and ashton's trying to clear of last night altogether.

the ride to school was quiet, save the morning talk show hosts' bubbly voices filling the thick air and the hum of the engine. luke thought of some things he could say to break the silence, but everything he thought of he feared would upset ashton. luke wasn't sure what was wrong; maybe ashton wasn't a morning person.

they pulled into the student parking lot and ashton parked in the senior spots, turning his car off and just sitting there calmly. the radio was now silent, and so was the engine, and luke was afraid to breathe. and then ashton spoke, "hey, um . . . don't tell anybody about what happened last night, okay? not even your friend," and luke nodded his head like the pathetically obedient puppy he was when it suddenly came to ashton, and then it was quiet again. luke collected his bookbag and opened his door, turning to ashton with a firm smile.

"i'm just gonna' go ahead, then. so we don't have to walk together," he coughed, and ashton nodded. "see you . . ."

that was the end of their morning interaction and luke didn't see ashton again until they passed each other in the hallway. the older boy was walking with a girl, dressed in a cheer uniform because it was game day, his hand around her waist. he felt hurt, betrayed, and very angry. ashton saw luke and he looked away quickly, and that was it.