Trigger

six • promises

Levi doesn't jump back to his normal self like I expected- like he did the first night he had fired those shots and appeared calm and collected the next morning. Instead, for the next couple of days, he mostly stays inside, only really coming outside for the bonfires at night. When he does, his eyes are usually closed and his posture rigid, a stick getting crumpled in between his fingers as something to do- a distraction. If he does open his eyes, though, the cold look in them shouts loud and clearly that he's not approachable.

I spend most of my time with Finn, though we both know that I'm not completely mentally there. I'm constantly worrying about Levi, asking about Levi and trying to come up with ways to include him in our activities. I could tell Finn was getting a little tired of telling me the same thing over and over again- it's better to leave Levi alone when he's like this- but I'm getting frustrated that I'm only receiving the same answer.

It's now the fourth day in a row that Levi has been stuffed in his cabin. I don't expect him out until bonfire- which is a couple of hours from now- but I'm surprised to see him sitting on the dock, alone. Finn went out with his mom and dad into town to get groceries, which left me alone for the day. Or so I had thought. I know Finn had said to leave Levi alone, but I can't help it- I already miss talking to him. I try to approach slowly and quietly, but Levi turns his head towards me as soon as I begin to walk towards him. I stop, not sure if that's bad or good, but relax when Levi gives me a tired smile. Picking up the pace again, I settle down beside Levi. I notice his legs aren't hanging over the edge this time, but rather are pulled up and I choose to do the same.

"Are you feeling better?" I ask softly, not wanting to set him off.

Levi's smile isn't completely genuine and it's painfully obvious he hasn't gotten much sleep in the last couple of days, but he manages to mutter, "Yeah, I am."

"Okay, that's good. I was worried," I admit.

The smile quickly fades into a frown. "You were?"

"Well, yeah. You kind of cut off all contact with everyone, I just wanted to make sure I didn't do anything wrong..."

"You didn't," Levi assures. "I just needed some time to myself. I'm sorry if I worried you."

"Don't be sorry!" I tell him. Levi's smile finally looks a little more sincere as he lightly shoulder bumps me, which I do right back. "If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here."

Levi nods, "I'll keep that in mind."

Something inside of me tells me he won't, though.

I sigh, shaking that thought out of my head and looking ahead at the water. Levi looks down, wringing his hands together, exhaling deeply and finally looking back up. "I think I'm going to reheat last night's pasta. Want some?"

I'm not too hungry, but Levi is inviting me to do something with him, and after him being alone for so long I can't decline. So I just give him a small smile and get up, Levi following my head and walking over to the cottage. His posture is still pretty stiff- arms folded across his chest and eyes downcast.

Once we get into the kitchen, I take a seat at the island as Levi takes out the pasta from the fridge. We don't say anything, but I find that okay. If anything, I find it comforting. Levi is obviously delicate right now- not in the sense that if he's pushed he might break, but more like the fuse might finally burst and he'll tear himself apart with whatever is haunting him. The silence is a nice compromise- Levi doesn't have to deal with the pressure of a conversation and the possibility of saying or hearing the wrong thing, but I still get to have his company where I can make sure he's okay.

I don't really know where this strong interest towards Levi came from, but it's only increasing every day. It's just something that was there from the day we met- the conversation that sparked between us was instantaneously easy and flowed with the awkward pauses. He's easy to talk to, he's one of the best listeners I've come across, and he tries. Even if he's not happy, he'll smile for your sake. Even if he's in a good mood, it'll die down if he sees you're not feeling the same way so you don't feel blinded by something you can't feel for yourself. It's something I appreciate because it's not a lot to ask from a human being, yet it's so hard to come across these days.