Trigger

eleven • confessions

Levi Collins had committed suicide.

It's been over an hour since I walked in on Levi's dead body sprawled on the ground by the shooting range, a gun lying by his hand and a bullet in his head. It's been over an hour- over sixty minutes since Levi took his life- and it still hasn't sunken in. I had stood still, staring at the dark red blood that had pooled from his temple and the way it stained the green grass beneath him. I've never seen that much blood- I've never seen a person dead- and although something in the back of my mind told me I should be panicking, I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.

It took me a couple of minutes before I began yelling for my parents. My mom came out, gasping sharply and throwing a hand over her mouth while my dad cursed and ran to get Katherine and Jeffery. Katherine had sprinted over, sobbing over Levi's body while Jeffery tried to calm her down. Nothing had worked, though. Finn came running next, though he slowed down before he could get too close, eyes widening and sparking with something I couldn't recognize, before turning around and sprinting back into the cottages.

I wanted to follow him, but I couldn't move.

The police and ambulance came in, put him in a body bag and drove off. I didn't watch it- I couldn't. I felt sick- and still do- just thinking about Levi Collins being- no, Levi isn't dead, I was talking to him this morning. He finally came out to see the sunset.

The police have been searching through the cabins for the past twenty minutes. Katherine is sobbing and Jeffery is holding her tightly, crying a bit too. Finn is still stuck in the cottage, refusing to come out, even when Jeffery tried to get him. I haven't found it in me to cry yet- I just feel incredibly and horribly numb to it all.

Finally, the police come out of the Allen's cottage, carrying a piece of paper with them. The officer smiles sadly at Katherine and Jeffery, "He left a note."

Katherine takes the paper with shaking fingers, tears continuously pouring down her face. With a thick and broken voice, she reads out loud, "Thank you for everything. This wasn't your fault; I had to do everyone a favour before I hurt anyone else. The pills just didn't work anymore."

Katherine breaks down into sobs again. Jeffery frowns, taking the paper and flipping it back and forth, as if expecting there to be more. There's isn't, though, so he folds the paper, puts it in his pocket and hugs Katherine tightly.

And finally, the finality of the note being put away- the last word's of Levi's- is enough to make me finally breakdown into tears.

x

Four hours have passed. It's dark outside. Katherine is being consoled by my mom and dad at our cottage while Jeffery is being questioned by the police. I'm by myself, sitting on the dock that Levi and I had sat on this morning.

This morning. When Levi had been alive.

The tear tracks have long dried on my face. My stomach and lungs hurt from crying so much. My mom had stayed with me at first, but when Jeffery had to go in for questioning and Katherine didn't want to be alone, my parents went to comfort her. I didn't mind much- I needed to get away and be alone with my thoughts for a bit, and sitting on the dock will do.

I miss him already.

I've missed him for a bit, really. I miss him sitting down and listening to everything I have to say and knowing exactly how to respond. I miss throwing around a volleyball with him and the stupid hikes him, Finn and I always went on. I missed all that when he had gotten really bad and refused to leave the cottage, but I had foolishly believed I might have been getting the old Levi back this morning.