Sterek One-Shots:Book Two (BoyxBoy)

Means to an End

Hey, Stalers! This was requested by M0NST3RS_AR3_R3AL. Major spoiler alert because this has drug use and a scene of attempted suicide that I'd rather piss people off for a spoiler alert than upset one person so. Enjoy this, my sweet children. 

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Stiles feels wrong. It's the only way he can describe how he feels now, and he stays to himself while he lays his head down on his bed. He doesn't sleep a lot, sometimes he finds Malia or Derek standing outside his window he doesn't know if it's because they can't sleep too or if they're watching over him. Either way it makes him sleep easier, so he doesn't bring it up to them and in return they don't say anything to him.

Stiles knows it's because of the Nogitsune that lived inside him, it wasn't here anymore he knew it but it still made him feel like it hurts him, and he finds himself looking staring off into the distant even when someone is talking to him. He used to apologize to them when it happened, especially to Scott, but that's stopped too. Stiles said sorry over and over again for Allison, for the Oni that the Nogitsune controlled, but Scott told him it wasn't his fault but Stiles always felt that Scott did blame him for this.

Stiles is laying on his bed now, looking up at the ceiling, and he looks at the tiles while he counts them. He knows that there's two hundred and three on his ceiling, the crack is on the sixty seventh, and the last two fused into one at the end of the row on the third column. He rubs his stomach absentmindedly as he looks around the ceiling and he hums a tuneless song to himself as he thinks about nothing. That's not true, he never thinks about nothing he always thinks dark thoughts, and he listens to loud music as he thinks about the past.

John has mentioned that he thinks that Stiles needs to go back to Eichen House, but Stiles can't go back not after what happened. Malia can't either, Stiles doesn't blame her, and he always tells his father that he's not going back. He knows that John can make him, take him to the hospital for a psyche evaluation, but he hopes that he won't make him. He wonders what it was like for his father, for Derek and the others, to look at him when he was the Nogitsune. To see his face but know that it wasn't him underneath the words, the pain, and cruel actions.

Part of Stiles wants to ask Derek about what it was like, to look at him and now that it wasn't him, but he sees the way that Derek looks at him. Like he's waiting for Stiles to attack him, and Stiles hates it. He hates seeing Derek now, hates being in the loft with him or Malia or Scott, with anyone really. His only comfort now is himself, Isaac won't look at him and Lydia talks about everything but Allison and for some reason that's worse to him. Pretending it didn't happen is the worst to him, it hurts him more.

Sometimes he wishes that someone would yell at him, tell him that this is his fault and that he is to blame for this, but no one does. Stiles know that everyone is thinking about it, he sees in their eyes when they look at Allison's empty chair or Isaac's empty one. Sometimes Stiles will see Derek run his hand along Isaac's chair as he walks by, mostly when he thinks that no one is looking at him, but Stiles watches him. Isaac calls him regular, Derek not Stiles, so Stiles knows that he just misses him physically being here.

A loud knock on the door makes Stiles jump violently, and looks at his door while he waits for someone to say something or come in. "Stiles? Dinner?" John calls into his room, and Stiles sighs to himself as he sits up on his bed. He doesn't want to eat or to be alone with his father. He just wants to be alone in his room, with his music and his thought, and he sighs as he walks to his door to open it a crack.

"I'm not hungry, Dad. Thank you though." Stiles tells him, his voice rough from not speaking for days at a time. John sighs, he looks tired, and Stiles looks down at the floor so he doesn't have to see disappointment in his father's eyes.