A Gentleman's Guide to Hooking Up

r u l e # 2

Rule #2 Flirt the right way and go easy on the booze.

Flirting isn't just about having bold confidence but rather, it's about having great perception skills. A keen pair of eyes matters more than a thick skin, and sometimes it's better to abort instead of to advance.

Is she averting your gaze? Does her smile reach her eyes? Is her laugh nervous? Is she lightly touching you back, or is she taking a step back? Like war, it's more important to analyze the situation and assess your opponent's weakness, instead of blindly flaunting your weapons, shooting off compliments and exhausting your carefully picked one-liners.

If she isn't interested, back off. Smile, leave, and be a good sport.

Alcohol can relax people and sometimes bring them closer, but nothing ruins the moment more than having your partner puke on you when things are just about to get interesting. Too much of it can also make you less aroused, less satisfied, less hard...enough said.

......

"Shit, I almost forgot," Dylan said from the passenger seat. "We have to get Linda a present."

"We do?" The idea of bringing one never even crossed Jake's mind. He thought his showing up was the best present already.

They were on their way to Linda's 15th birthday party, one that neither of them was particularly looking forward to. They felt obligated to attend for the mere fact that they were friends with her brother, Sean, who had specifically stated that booze, drugs and sex were off-limits—which basically defeated the purpose of throwing a party in the first place.

"It's her birthday, man. I practically watched her grow up, so she's like a sister to me. We have to hurry up so we won't be late," Dylan said, all matter-of-fact, as if he hadn't complained incessantly about this stupid party and how absurd it was that they were hired—without pay—as bouncers.

It was exactly what Jake expected of him though; the guy was embarrassingly tender sometimes.

"What should we get?" Dylan asked.

"...A bottle of perfume? Girls like perfumes."

He could feel Dylan's disapproval without turning his head. "That's a little pervy coming from her brother's best friends. Perfumes are sexual."

"Anything is sexual through your eyes," Jake said. "I just thought she'd like the cute bottle."

"If you want cute, then how about a giant teddy bear? Every girl wants one to go to bed with."

"Really? The ones that I know only want to go to bed with a giant dick."

Dylan snickered beside him, always supportive of his lame jokes. "I'm surprised you didn't give it to Stephanie. She has a really nice rack."

"I'm not a picky eater, but at least I have some table manners. I don't want to risk her getting all clingy on me afterwards because I'm her first."

"You can date her," Dylan suggested. "That way you get to bang all the time."

"I just want some milk occasionally. I don't want to buy the whole cow."

"Judging from the frequency you want your milk, you might as well buy a cow," Dylan said, actually making a little bit of sense. "It's Basic Economics."

Renting would perhaps be a better option, except it wasn't on the menu. "Let's just buy the bear first."

They bought the bear but fought over the privilege of taking it out of the car. Dylan insisted it didn't go well with his eyebrow piercing and that he didn't like the idea of a stuffed animal under his arm. It messed with the tough image he was trying to keep up. As they went up to Sean's door, the bear was thrown from one boy to the other repeatedly, like a basketball they played every afternoon.