A Gentleman's Guide to Hooking Up

r u l e # 5

Rule #5 Don't hook up with friends, but only sleep with people you can see yourself becoming friends with

This rule may seem contradictory in itself but it really isn't. Don't pull friends in bed because they are for more important things in life than sex (if those things do exist), and unless she's cool enough to wake up next to you, give you a fist bump and join you for breakfast, you don't want to risk it. People have emotions and it can explode faster than a premature ejaculation.

On the other hand, you don't want to do it with someone you can't stand being around, either. Sexual intercourse is sort of a relationship, after all, and you want someone who is able to carry on a conversation better than a sex toy. It makes the experience much more enjoyable when you're still interested in her, even after she put her clothes back on.

......

Since Jake was just waiting to graduate from high school, for the last few weeks of senior year, he was Jessica's blue genie. Whenever she didn't summon him—which was most of the time—he would be over at the park coaching Russell.

"Why are you spending so much time with that kid?" Dylan had asked him. "Are you trying to get with the sister?"

"I'm so insulted, Dill. If I wanted to get with her, I would've done it already."

"Well she seems like a sweet person. You better not lead her on," Dylan had said, which was completely hypocritical of him since he led girls on regularly. He didn't have the resolution to break up with his psycho girlfriend, but he made every other girl he messed with think they had a chance.

Jake didn't need reminding. He liked where he was in life right now, and he'd be stupid to fuck it up. In front of Jessica he was always sexy, naked, throbbing and out of breath, but as he shut the hotel room door and left that behind, he became the nicest cool person ever, according to Char and Russell.

He indulged himself with the comfort they brought him. They made him think of two rays of ash blonde sunshine, rainbow-colored Popsicles, pink cheeks and giggles, transparent conversations, orange Gatorade, white towels, and all the delightful things thrown together.

Jessica River and Char were two planets orbiting around him without colliding, one dark and hypotonic, the other bright and amicable, and he planned on keeping his two worlds apart.

One afternoon, while Russell was practicing dribbling a short distance away, Jake sat down for some water. He tipped the bottle back and felt the remaining liquid slide down his throat.

"I'm out of water," he told Charlotte, who was sitting next to him. It didn't escape him that she was always here. He was about to ask her if she needed anything from the convenience store when she started to rummage through her backpack.

"Here." She handed over an unopened bottle of mineral water.

He suspected she brought a spare bottle just for him, but as usual he pretended he didn't notice, just like she pretended not to get any of his hints that he wasn't the right guy for her.

He wished she'd stop wasting her precious effort on him. He was too used to people crushing on him and had learned to detect it miles away, from the girls at school, the cashier at the supermarket to the newspaper delivery guy. Even the neighbor's dog had a crush on him. But none of them was as obvious as Charlotte.

She was the cutest kind of naivety. She had no filter and wore her heart on the sleeve, and Jake prayed that she would hold her confession in for both of their sakes. If she blurted it out he'd have to reject her, ignore her tears and feel like a complete asshole, and then he'd have to avoid her and Russell altogether.