All the Waters of the Earth

Chapter 35: Don't Worry

The next day, Friday evening, Jake, Roberto, and I boarded a plane for Arizona to go see his mom. Rob had never been on an airplane — or even out of state before — so he chattered away, asking all kinds of questions about planes and the airport, because he was so excited. I was grateful to Jake for answering all of his questions; he always seemed to have patience for Rob, and genuinely paid attention to him.

Since I had custody, I could take my son wherever I wanted, but I sent Carlos a text about what we were doing, just to be courteous. I didn't receive a courteous reply.

Nevertheless, it was an adventure for all of us, not just for Rob as his first trip on a plane, but also for me as a trip to learn more about Jake, and for Jake because his mom had been vague on the details for the reasons that he needed to come. She had told him that she needed to see him immediately, that he had to sign some papers related to his grandparents, and that she wanted him to meet his brother and sister.

A not-so minor detail.

His half-brother Shawn, twenty-one, and half-sister, Veronika, nineteen, were part of his mom's new family. Apparently, after Jake's mom left him and his dad, she went back to her pedigreed parents, then met a wealthy new man and started a family in Phoenix.

Jake had never met them. I couldn't believe that he had a brother and sister — and step dad — that he had never met. It blew my mind. What kind of mother never saw her child and never had her son meet her other children? Well, since he had never met his grandparents, I guess that it wasn't surprising. He told me that he saw his mom on rare occasions, having invited her to graduations and events like that, but she had never brought his half-brother and sister along. I mentally shook my head at the dysfunction.

Still, she meant enough to Jake for him to drop everything and go to her. Evidence that there was a binding tie between mother and child that could not be cut.

My pregnancy news still had not really settled in for me. Besides the physical discomfort of early pregnancy, emotionally, it was raw and new. I still hadn't internalized it yet; I had sworn off of alcohol and started taking a vitamin, but that was it.

Since I just found out, I hadn't told Rob yet, although I planned on telling him soon. But I first had to have a talk with him about Jake. Yes, he knew that Jake stayed over, and yes, he had seen me kiss Jake. But I hadn't actually talked to him about it.

Further, I needed to have a talk with Jake about Jake. I mean it was a relief to know that he loved me and that he said he was going to stay by me, but we had a lot to discuss about our future. We were going to be parents together.

But when I saw Jake buying Rob a hot chocolate and a Minecraft magazine in the airport, leaning over to listen to Rob chatter about some environment you could create in Minecraft, I thought we might be okay. Any man who paid that much attention to my son was going to be a good father.

We arrived in Phoenix late, and by the time we got to the hotel room, it was after ten o'clock at night. That's way past the time for Rob to be in bed.

When we walked into the hotel room, just like in Las Vegas, there were two beds. As a mom, this was, yet again, a minor crisis moment for me. Did Rob sleep with me like in Vegas or did I sleep with Jake the way I did now? While I had been sleeping with Jake at our house, we were careful to keep it away from Rob.

Taking a deep breath, I decided that it was okay for Rob to be in his own bed, and for Jake and me to be in the other. If Jake was going to be the father of Rob's brother or sister, he could see us sleep together.

It still felt like a big step.

After Jake had received the text from his mom on Thursday, and we hastily made arrangements to come to Phoenix, we discussed how we were going to share the news of my pregnancy. Because of the fears of something going wrong in early pregnancy, I wanted to wait, although we agreed we would tell my parents, his dad, and my friends, Georgie and Sara, after the first ultrasound.

It was going to be hard to keep it from Rob that long, however, with me getting sick every morning. While a twelve-year-old boy wouldn't pick up on the diagnosis, he was sensitive enough to know when mom was sick. I figured that I would be telling him about it on this trip.

The thing that was different than the last time I was pregnant, though, was the very fact of Jake in my life. In the short time since we had found out, I caught him looking at me and smiling for no reason. When we slept that night, he spent an inordinate amount of time making tiny circles with his fingers on my belly. And while he showed me affection as he always did, everything felt a little sweeter: the kisses on my nose, the way he played with my hair, and the hugs he gave when he got home from work, were all more intense. All of this was new to me, but it also was deliciously gratifying. I trusted Jake and I wanted him in my life, in every part of it.

We set down our luggage in the hotel room and I turned to him. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" I said in a low voice. He nodded, and we went off to the side by the front door, while Rob rummaged in his bag for his pajamas.

"I want to tell Rob about us," I whispered, "but we haven't really talked about us."

He smiled and reached out to hold my hand. "Lucy, I want to be with you forever. You're my girlfriend. However you need to tell him that is fine." I swooned at the idea of being with Jake forever, and was grateful to hear him call me his girlfriend. He had said it to his dad in the hospital, but somehow, we had skipped that discussion among ourselves. "Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah," I whispered back. "You're my boyfriend."

"Okay," he whispered. "We agree. Do you want me to go get some ice?"

I nodded. That was nice of him, to give me some privacy with my son. I dropped his hand, walked over to Rob, and sat down on the bed beside him, while Jake took a key and the ice bucket, and left.

I looked at my sweet boy.

"Mijo, Jake is going to be around us more. Is that okay with you?"

He smiled. "Yeah mom. He's your boyfriend, right?"

Of course he already knew that, but it was strange to hear it from my son's mouth. I had never been this close to anyone so that my son had met them. This was huge.

"Yes."

"He's cool, mom. Don't worry."

Step one, done. I'd worry about step two, telling Rob he was getting a sibling, later. When Jake came back, we got ready for bed and went to sleep, me, cuddled platonically, with Jake, my son sleeping in the next bed. Again, it felt like we were creating our own little family.

I wondered what it would be like in the morning with Jake's other family.