Lullaby (The Fable Series, Book 2)

Chapter Thirty Six

How long have I been staring at the ceiling? An hour? Maybe two?

I turn over in my bed at the cabin, pulling the blanket up around me. There's been an autumnal chill in the air the past few days, strangely early even for Portland. We're in the last week of July, and already the whisperings of Fall are weaving themselves into the brilliant summertime tapestry of the forest – in threads of gold through the oak leaves, the red-rimmed dogwood, the copper-kissed maples.

Too early. Fall has come much too early.

Somehow, Summer's almost at an end. And with it, so is my time with Fable.

It's been exactly one week since Lyall's birthday. One week since I told my truth. One week since I stood on the cliffs hand-in-hand with Felix saying goodbye to my pain, to my past, to those I lost.

One week of painful, awkward pauses and unbearable silences.

Ever since that day, a palpable melancholy has blanketed the cabin like a sheet of new snow, freezing all conversation beneath it. Unspoken words hang like icicles in the air between us.

We're in the studio from dusk to dawn, recording, singing, playing till our fingers cramp up and our throats are raw – perfecting Shadowbound, the seventh and final song on the album.

The boys don't speak much about what happens next, but I already know the plan. In a few days' time, once the album's finished, the sound mixed, the final note played, they'll go back to England, and they'll upload it to some website, and give it away for free to their fans. Just like they always planned.

Their manager at BYG Records will be furious of course; the press will go berserk; the fans will be overjoyed – and I'll still be here, in Portland, my only connection to the boys through the music we made together once upon a time in this strange little cabin in the woods.

We no longer talk about me giving them a Wild Blue Yonder demo to pass along to their manager. Maybe it's because Alix pretty much announced on the beach that he's going to Yale in the Fall, meaning that I no longer have a band for BYG to sign up anyway. Or maybe it's because now that they know my whole story, the horror I went through, they think I'm too damaged. Someone like me, with all my issues and fears and complications, could never fit into their glittering world of pop stars and parties, fame and fortune.

I want to be strong. I want to accept that this is for the best. After all, my life is already complicated enough, even without the Fable boys in it – but somehow I just can't let go.

Ben's laughter, Lyall's smile, a reassuring pat on the back from Elliot, a flirty wink from Alastaire, and Felix's sad, beautiful gaze – their smallest gestures and expressions are burned into heart.

I will never see them again.

I squeeze my eyes shut; cradle my head in my hands, trying to banish the awful thought from my mind.

One weekend. That's all I have left with them. Then they're gone.

They don't have flights booked yet (that I know of, anyway) but I know that we have less than a day's work left to do on Shadowbound. We're down to finishing touches now.

And even if the boys wanted to stay, even if they made up some excuse to draw out their time here – which I expect they've actually been doing for a while anyway, because we probably could have finished the whole album in the half the time if they'd really wanted that – even then, they still have to leave in the next few days.

They're presenting at the annual Euro Music Awards in Vienna on Tuesday.

It's back to reality, for all of us.