Losing Her Wings

Chapter 28

Skylar felt guilty when she finally turned from the door, having successfully gotten rid of Niles only to turn and find Ryan sitting on the edge of the bed, his feet on the floor and her notepad in his hand. He wasn’t looking at her as he had done a few minutes ago, before Niles’s interruption. There was a distinct look of anger and curiosity in his eyes that she didn’t want to face just yet, if he could only have waited a little while longer. When he asked what it was, she didn’t know what to say, all she could do was cross over and sit on the bed beside him, well aware that there was no chance of starting back where they had left off. He was angry now, that was it, she either told him the truth or lost him. He wouldn’t settle for in-betweens or her asking him to wait a while longer before she explained, but she was going to try her best shot at explaining.

“I really don’t want to lie to you Ryan…if I tell you part of the reason now, can you wait until I can explain the other part later? It might not be hours or days…more like weeks…?” She asked him to trust her enough to give her time to find a way of explaining it to him and although he was scared that by agreeing, she might just have more time to come up with a lame excuse, he decided he loved her enough to try. It might not have made sense and maybe it was stupid considering his history with women, but she was so different to anyone he knew, he had to put his trust in her and hope she would be honest. He couldn’t even speak, he just sighed and handed the notepad back to her, nodding in agreement. She seemed just as scared as he was, though he wasn’t oblivious to the relieved smile she showed him before shifting to face him, sitting on one of her bent legs and holding her own hand nervously. “I have a…job. It’s very complicated and I’m not allowed to tell anyone about it, but I was given this list of names…” She began only for him to protest that the names were in her handwriting and although she retaliated just as seriously that he wouldn’t know that because he had never seen her handwriting, he surprised her with his answer.

“But I know you.” Ryan sighed, finding the matter all too serious for his liking. He had enjoyed his day so far, this was just bringing a complete downer on it all. He wasn’t sure if he actually was going to like her answer or if he would just end up ruining everything by getting up and storming out. He was scared of losing her suddenly, scared that what she was saying meant that he would hate her but always love her as passionately as he already did. No wonder nothing made any sense.

“Fine, so I wrote it myself, but I was given the names, no matter what you think. I’d never met any of these people when I was given it, I had no idea what they looked like or who they were. All I was asked to do was keep an eye on them, that was all.” Skylar let him believe what he liked, trying her best to explain the situation without going into the complicated details and without lying to him. Sure she said a little white lie that she was only there to observe but it was partly true, she couldn’t help them without observing their lives first. But when he asked if she had been told to be with him, her heart physically ached. “No. It’s not like that. I was just asked to come here and find you all, to introduce myself so that no-one thought I was spying on them and that was it. Everything that’s happened just…it just happened. It wasn’t on purpose.” Tears were coming to her eyes now, in a way that frustrated her and Ryan could see that for himself but he couldn’t help it, he didn’t understand and he didn’t like it. At least he knew that what she felt for him was true. Or at least, he hoped it was.

“So you weren’t sent here to make me love you? What the hell am I saying? It’s like some sordid little black and white spy movie.” He couldn’t help but groan in frustration, leaning over his knees and holding his head in his hands, unable to comprehend it all but knowing that it explained a lot of different things he’d noticed. The problem was that they all came with their own set of questions and he wasn’t leaving the room until she answered every one of them.