Flat Tire

iii; jamie

'Shouldn't a light go on? / Doesn't he know that I've had him memorised for so long?' - Taylor Swift, 'I'd Lie'

I knew from the moment I saw him that I was going to fall for him. It was simple. He smiled and introduced himself and, just like that, I knew.

Of course, I thought Will was beautiful. I'm sure everyone who catches a glimpse of him does. Bright blue eyes and a tangle of blonde curls. Sharp jawline, high cheekbones, sloping nose. There's a small smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose; he gets a dimple in his right cheek when he smiles. His eyelashes are dark in contrast to his hair and longer than average. I didn't notice all of this at first, obviously, but built up this map of him over time.

I know it wasn't love at first sight, just a crush. But I also remember the exact moment I realised that I loved him.

It was about three months after I'd started working at the shop with him; we were good friends by then, so of course I agreed to help him clean up.

It was cramped behind the counter and we ended up standing so close that Will's shoulder touched mine. Not much, the tiniest touch in a completely unimportant part of my body, but it was all I could think about. I dropped the cloth I'd been holding, which he teased me for, so I laughed along.

Oh my god, I thought, I am in love with you.

That night, I went home and told the guy I was dating that I didn't think it was working between us anymore. When he asked if there was someone else, I insisted that there wasn't. (No one that wasn't utterly out of my reach, at least.)

At the time, Will was insistent that he didn't want a relationship. Apparently he was 'focusing on himself'. I told myself I'd tell him how I felt at some point, but there never seemed like the right time. Then he met Bella and gave up his long term single status for her. So here I am, still silently loving him for over a year.

•••

It's the same as every other night, I climb into the passenger seat and Will starts the ignition. I keep thinking about what he said yesterday, that this is his favourite time of the day. I want to question him: why? what about when you're with Bella? how do you not see that I'm in love with you?

"Hey." It's a stupid thing to say; we've been together for hours. But it's better than blurting out everything else I'm thinking.

"Hi," Will replies softly.

He's been quieter than usual all day and I can tell that something is up with him. I've bitten down my feelings for so long but they're becoming harder to hide. His lips are slightly down-turned at the corners, which makes my chest ache with sadness for him.

"Something has changed," I mumble, barely audible.

Will's head whips around and he cuts off the engine. "What makes you think that?"

"I know you, Will, I can tell that there's something wrong."

He pauses, then bites his lip, eyes wide. Once again, I am surprised by how devastatingly beautiful he is.

"Can we... can we drive?" Will asks.

I'm not sure whether he means just drive home or elsewhere, but I just nod. "Sure."

So we drive.

At first, I can't tell if we're headed back to my house like usual. We sit in silence. This is nothing unusual, often we'll slip into a lull in conversation as he drives and I alternate between looking out the window and glancing at him. Not this time, though. This silence is stifling.

After a few more minutes, I can't take it any longer. "What's going on, Will?"

"Well there's roadworks so I'm just taking the diverted route," Will begins.

"Not that," I say, interrupting him. I'd been way too preoccupied by him to even notice where we were going. "What's happened? Is it... is it me?"

For a moment, Will takes his eyes off the road and looks across at me. His eyes are wide, glassy. Something in his expression makes him look fractured, like himself but not quite.

When he speaks, his voice is quiet and hoarse. "Bella broke up with me."