Flat Tire

vii; jamie

"How would you feel, if I told you I loved you? / It's just something that I want to do / I'll be taking my time, spending my life / Falling deeper in love with you / So tell me that you love me too" - Ed Sheeran, 'How Would You Feel (Paean)'

The kiss is soft and gentle at first, both of us a little unsure. But when one of his hands move to my face, his thumb brushing my cheekbone, I grow in confidence. Our mouths open and the kiss builds; crescendoing as his other hand finds my waist and mine go to his torso. We pull each other closer.

We've still not broken contact and I'm sure as hell not going to be the one to end this. I absentmindedly wonder whether Will's also thinking about the fact as soon as we stop kissing we'll have to talk about this, about us, whatever we are now. So we don't stop. I feel as though I'm making up for every moment since we met that I've longed to kiss him and I so badly hope it's something like that for Will too.

Finally, after what could have been seconds or hours for all I know, Will breaks apart. One of his hands remains in the small of my back; I'm overwhelmingly aware of his touch.

"Jamie, I..." he begins then trails off, seemingly still reeling from the kiss.

He can't quite look me in the eye and I see his chest rising and falling heavily, in the same way as mine.

"I love you," I say suddenly, my voice anguished and honest. "I've been in love with you for so damn long and I don't expect you to say it back or anything but I've kept it a secret for too long and I thought maybe it would go away but it's just got worse and-"

I'm interrupted in the best way possible. Will leans forward and presses his lips against mine, a fleeting moment of perfection. I feel myself smile, but when I look at him I don't see an expression to match. My smile drops.

"I..." He hesitates. "I don't know what I'm doing."

His eyes are glassy. It's hard to swallow around the lump in my throat. I don't say anything; I can't find my voice.

So he continues. "I want to figure this out. I mean, my girlfriend dumped me yesterday and now I'm here making out with you... a boy."

That stings, but I bite down on my bottom lip and nod stiffly.

"Okay... we can figure it out. There's no rush," I say quietly.

"No," Will replies bluntly. "I meant - I want to try to get my head around this alone; right now you're just making me feel too confused."

There's something about the seriousness of his voice that makes me feel sick. I thought I knew heartache; it was the pinch in my chest when I saw Will and Bella kiss or the look in his eyes when he talked about her. But this is different. Worse. Like I've just been punched in the gut.

Before, he was blissfully oblivious to how I felt, but at least he wanted to be my friend. He called me his favourite person. Surely that meant something. But now, he doesn't even want to know me.