Someone Else's Fairytale

Thirty-One: Things Fall Apart

I stared at the closed door for a minute, trying to make sense of what I'd just seen. Something was definitely wrong, and I was lost. I patted my pockets for my cellphone. Surely if I called Jason, he'd explain, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kyra standing in her doorway.

“Care to tell me what that was about?” I asked.

“I heard what you asked him.”

“What? When?”

“When you wanted to know if there's anything he'd change about your relationship.”

“Right. And?”

“Well, he's been doing a lot of thinking.”

“And?”

Her eyes looked very big and very lost right then. “We're friends, right? No matter what happens with Jason?”

“What exactly do you think is going to happen?”

“I just want to finish out the summer here. Things are going good.”

“Why wouldn't you?”

Her eyes stayed big and round. “Why don't you ever spend the night with him?”

“Um...”

“Is it because you don't love him?”

“No. I do love him, very much. Look, if you have some personal reason of your own to ask about my sex life, like something you're going through with Nate, I can talk about this, but if you're just being nosy, it's none of your business.”

She fell silent for a moment, then said, “I don't think you're gonna like his answer to your question. Promise me you won't get too mad about it?”

“Are you going to tell me what it is?”

“No way.”

“Okay, well, then I can't answer you. But we'll still be friends, okay?”

She nodded.

“I'm gonna get ready for bed, but you know where to find me.” I went to my room.

Kyra stared after me.

Once in my room, I sat down on my bed and rubbed my temples. I'd known what his answer to my question was going to be. Of course he wanted to sleep together after seven months of dating. A part of me wanted that too. But my other issues wouldn't leave me, and he and I both knew it.

I was twenty-two, way older than the average virgin. I was with my best friend who'd stayed devoted to me for seven months and never complained. A guy who could have any other woman on the planet, literally. Was I just being selfish? The thought of letting go of my chastity felt like breaking a solemn promise to myself. I wasn't where I wanted to be in life before I re-evaluated my feelings on that. I didn't feel ready. I wondered if there was something wrong with me.

***

The next day, Jason was working when I arrived on set. Right afterward, he had an interview with a reporter out in front of his trailer. I didn't get a chance to talk to him until after nine, after we'd gone back to his place, and he was in a foul mood. But I was confident we could talk things through anyhow. We communicated well. One good sit down and everything would be okay.

“Jas,” I said.

“Hmm?”

“Can we talk?”

He looked up. “Yeah, sure, of course.” He went to sit on the couch and pulled me down to sit next to him. “What is it?”

“I talked to Kyra last night.”