Nothing Less

Chapter Twenty-Nine.

Songs for this chapter are:

Listen to these songsssssss 

Pushing Away- Kevin Garrett 

Control- Kevin Garrett 

Lights Low- RKCB

..

Landon's POV.

Nora is quiet in the Uber and I feel lighter than before. Even after saying an awkward goodbye to Stausey and her husband, I felt better somehow. A sense of relief came to me with each word I told Nora on the roof. There's less for us to climb over now that we've torn down some of the wall between us. It's still there, but relationships aren't simple. The more I get to know Nora, the more I realize mine and Dakota's relationship was too much for our age. We fell into a comfortable pattern of dependence and no matter what happens, I will always be here for her. Nora seems to have a better understanding of this now.

Now that I've shared the worst day of my life with her, I feel closer to her. Why is that that it takes pushing my pain onto her for us to feel closer? Pain shoudn't be something we feel better sharing. Pain is supposed to be dealt with in solidarity, isn't it?

Hell, I don't know. Even though I think about that day often, I haven't lived through the entire night in a long time. Carter's death had the biggest influence on who I grew up to be. It changed everything I thought I knew about loss and love and pain. I knew nothing about pain or suffering until I held Dakota's thrashing body down on cold linoleum floors while they dragged her brother's still body out of his bedroom. They had to give her a shot to get her body to calm.

She slept in my bed that night, curled up to my chest and I could feel her heart breaking every time she woke up and realized it wasn't a nightmare. Her brother was gone. Dakota's dad Dale was no where to be found. Though I was sure we looked hard enough, we would find him at a bar.

Nora keeps shuddering in my arms and now I'm not sure if telling her was a good idea, or not. I could have told a less detailed version, I suppose. I wish the memories from that day would fade. I keep waiting for that to happen, but it hasn't yet.

The further we drive from Manhattan, the more distance I feel between Nora and I. Whatever happened on that roof definitely brought us closer, but the darker it gets, and the further we get from the glimmering island of Manhattan, will we be able to keep this going? Will the darkness make it easier to hide from each other?

"I'm sorry about tonight," Nora finally says when we get to my building. She unwraps her limbs from mine and slowly climbs out of the car. The quiet night of Brooklyn has penetrated our Manhattan bubble.

"It wasn't all bad," I shrug, trying to make her feel a little better.

I can tell by her expression that she isn't buying it. She doesn't say anything as we step onto the sidewalk. "Do you want to come up?" I ask her. I realize that I assumed she would and didn't ask her if she intended to.

She nods and I reach for her hand.

"You haven't answered my calls all day," Dakota's voice cuts through the darkness. Nora drops my hand.

Dakota stands up from the ledge she was sitting on. She has a leaf in her hand and she's picking at them, dropping pieces to the sidewalk beneath her.

"What are you doing here, Dakota?" I ask her, my voice calm. I would love for the three of us to be able to have a civil discussion out here on my sidewalk. A group of young guys walks into the store below my apartment and I look behind the counter. Ellen is working, alone it seems. I watch them, while watching the two women in front of me. Nora is standing slightly behind my back, not looking at Dakota. Dakota is standing in place, her fingers still picking at the leaf. I wonder if Nora sees Dakota in a different light now, perhaps she will understand her a little more?