Constellations: the 4AM mix

i.

you are so over this crush thing you swear to god

because it is stupid and pointless and embarrassing

how into him you are

(your friends ask what the hell is wrong with your face and

oh god have you been smiling like that all day?)

he isn't even that cute

(lie #1—of course he is, he's fucking adorable and those eyes—you could write sonnets about those eyes and you have actually but you burned them because if anyone ever found them you'd probably just die)

he isn't even that funny

(lie #2—and okay this one's only half a lie because he's kind of really corny but you love it. you love his stupid puns and corny jokes and how he laughs more than he says the actual punchline but that's okay because he's got the kind of laugh that makes it okay)

you really don't even like him that much 

(lie #3—and this is the biggest lie of all but you figure that if you say it enough times then maybe it'll start being true because you don't know how much more of this—butterflies and shaking fingers and stutter i can't remember wha t iwanted to say—you can take)

you think he's kind of dumb

because really how does someone not know the kind of effect they can have on another person?

you sort of hate him but only a little

because he probably won't ever like you in that way 

and it isn;t fair that you can't make him like you

when technically speaking

that's exactly what he did to you