The Lost Potter

Trapped

The next morning, Sirius awoke to find himself in his own bed, stripped of his jacket and shoes. There were no more holes in the walls, and, peeking into Olivia's room, everything looked like nothing had happened. As Sirius went downstairs, he had almost convinced himself it hadn't happened.

"Did you sleep well?" Olivia asked suddenly, hearing his drowsy foot steps. Sirius looked up and saw an odd sight before him. Olivia sat cross-legged on the floor, facing two levitating boards of woods. The boards were rubbed together with an imaginary force, and had started to smoke quite furiously.

"Yeah, what about you?" Sirius asked, thoughts of the night before temporarily forgotten as he watched the boards keep rubbing, not yet aflame.

"I woke up early this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I've been trying to keep myself busy, so I fixed everything I broke. Now I'm starting a fire for us, I'm cold." Olivia talked faster than normal, and all it did was worry Sirius.

"Do you want to talk about what happened last night?" Sirius sat next to her, far enough from the boards that were now emitting embers.

"No. How about Hogwarts? How did it go?" Olivia quickly changed the subject, shifting her face so Sirius couldn't see. She'd glimpsed herself in the mirror earlier, and almost threw another fit. Scratch marks, bloodshot eyes, and a corpse appearance made the mirror smash.

"I'd forgotten all about the Fat Lady and her passwords, we'll need to use your flying to find those out," Sirius went on, trying to casually scoot in a different angle to meet Olivia's eyes, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? You seemed fine when I left."

Olivia snapped, "No, I don't want to talk about it. Will you leave me alone?" As she herself got fired up, the boards were engulfed in deep red flames. Olivia didn't move them into her make-shift fire pit (made from tiles from the kitchen counters and concrete foundation she exposed), however, and instead watched the flames to try and calm down.

"I'm not going to push you." Sirius stood, holding up his hands in mock surrender, "But I'm going hunting. Are you coming or staying here?"

"Staying here. I'm not hungry." Olivia said shortly, the flames still capturing her vision.

"Please stay here, okay? I won't be long. And be careful with that fire," Sirius tried to joke, but couldn't muster up the courage. He was worried about Olivia, and how he couldn't get her the help she needed.

Olivia watched him go, abandoning all thoughts of a fire as he retreated from sight. She quickly ran upstairs, and dashed into the dusty old wardrobe. It wasn't super sturdy, but it would have to do. She couldn't destroy the whole house like that again- she needed a safe space to let out whatever was happening.

The wardrobe seemed perfect- a locked door, out of sight, space for her inside, and sturdy enough to withstand the force of a malnourished thirteen-year-old. As long as she didn't use any magic, she would be fine.

She sat in the bottom of the wardrobe, checked that everything was fine, and closed the door on herself. Olivia sat in the dark, cramped space for all of two seconds before a flashback hit.

Four-year-old Olivia ran as fast as she could through the halls of the manor. But this running wasn't a game of tag- it wasn't a part of playing pretend. No, Olivia had called Mr. Malfoy a bad word, and the man had decreed that was no way for a young girl to be speaking, let alone to him.

Her running was no match for the long strides of Lucius Malfoy. Soon he had cornered her, and had hoisted the kicking and screaming girl over his shoulder. Olivia tried yelling towards Draco and Mrs. Malfoy as she was carried away, but the two just looked at her with confused and sad eyes, respectively. She was brought to the extra bedroom, with the door locked behind them.

"I'll have to try a new punishment with you, then, if you continue to act this way. And I have just the idea." Lucius snarled, dropping the girl quite suddenly and forcefully. She tried to run again, only for him to cast some spell and suddenly she couldn't move. With a flick of his wand, Lucius sent her into the trunk at the bottom of the bed, bending the girl's body as needed to fit in the cramped space.

He left her locked, immobile, and forgotten in the trunk for three days. Olivia had given up trying to scream, or trying to cry. When he let her out, however, he saw just how gaunt she had become. Bruises peppered her, and the lack of food certainly hadn't helped. Lucius never used the trunk again for this, for fear that others would notice its obvious effects. It was a memory Olivia had suppressed for years, leading to a slight fear of the dark, and a more prominent case of claustrophobia.

The wardrobe lasted only those two seconds, for when she exploded out of it, she actually exploded it. Not bothering to rebuild it, she fled to the downstairs, trying to get out of this small house as soon as she could.

Sirius met the shaken and panicked girl at the exit hole, having just returned himself. Olivia hadn't even noticed him, and screamed when she ran into the towering figure. She fell back, breaking into tears and curling into a fetal position to try and protect herself.

Sirius knelt down to her level, and brushed her hair away to coax her into looking him in the eyes. He saw the heartbreaking defeat again, but tried to steel himself against it. Instead, he kept eye contact and said, "Tell me what's going on, let me help."

He waited for her to calm down, sitting next to her and rubbing her back to try and calm her down. Eventually she did stop, and breathed out, "I wanted somewhere to hide and accidentally triggered a flashback. When do they stop? When does this mental torture stop?"

The next round of sobs were dry, and Sirius let her calm down again before responding, "You know, I didn't want to tell you this, but I'm going to be honest- when I left for Hogwarts last night, I fully intended on killing Pettigrew and then letting myself be captured. I'd go back to Azkaban having fulfilled my brand of justice, and on the way, I'd tell Remus or Dumbledore or someone trustworthy where you were. I'd make them swear not to let you go back to the Malfoys somehow, and then I would rot in Azkaban knowing I had done right by you and your parents," Sirius breathed a sigh, "But then I saw all those happy students in the dining hall, and realised that you'd probably never get to experience that. That no matter what I did, I could never undo what happened. And so I decided in that moment that I was coming back here, and even if we're fugitives the rest of our lives, I was going to try and make the rest of your young years happy ones. So to see you here, breaking down, and me not doing anything about it is hurting both of us. Please tell me what's going on, even if I can't help I can at least try and cheer you up," he flashed a sad smile, "it's what I'm best at."

The rest of that day was filled with Olivia hesitantly telling him about the mood swings, the nightmares, and even the flashbacks. He only interjected with innocent questions, and just sat there in comforting silence when the waterworks sprung on again. He'd make little comments about "the nasty bugger" Lucius, and the "prudish" Narcissa, but only when Olivia could take the joke. Maybe Olivia couldn't get professional help, but sitting there, talking to someone she trusted and him responding in a positive, caring way, was better than anything a professional could've done for her.

~~

If anyone's curious, Olivia's diagnosis according to the internet is Complex PTSD. I myself don't suffer from anything traumatic, just GAD and major depression, so this is mostly from internet medical websites and forums where sufferers of C-PTSD say what they wished people would understand.

If anyone in your life is suffering from any sort of mental illness, please give them a safe place and a helpful, un-judging pair of ears. For some, that may be all they need.

Okay, PSA over. This chapter is really digging into just how screwed up characters in the HP universe truly are. Sure, it's never specified how horrible the punishments were, but there would sure be lasting damage from all the trauma that happens in the books alone.

Anyway, please leave feedback and I hope you enjoyed!