You and I » Lip Gallagher [1] {EDITING}

»part 21 » gazing at flowers

           

In this world we walk on the roof of hell gazing at flowers.

During English class last week, our teacher wrote this quote on the board from a Japanese poet and asked us to dissect it. She told us to write a page about what this quote meant for us. We were given the whole class period to write it. At the end of class I turned in a blank sheet of paper. Why? Mainly because I'm a whinny rebel who is super against the school system and the brainwashing it enforces.

Okay so maybe I'm exaggerating. Truthfully? Truthfully, I couldn't think of shit.

I don't walk on the roof of hell because I'm literally in hell. Everything in my life is shit. All the flowers are dead and wilted. Nothing as beautiful could live in a place so heinous.

I would know.

But as I lay in the darkness and look at the cause of all the beautiful chaos in my life, I can't help but think...this is it.

Lip Gallagher is the rebellious, beautiful flower that blooms in the depth of hell. My hell.

He has one end of the blanket snuggled up to his face while he lays on his stomach, sleeping peacefully. With every breath he takes his body slowly rises and his nose twitches. He has me pushed against the cold wall but I could care less. At the moment, there's no place I would rather be.

Yeah, we're crazy. Yeah, we're annoying. Yeah, we're frustrating.

But you know what? I wouldn't give this up for the world. You know why? Because If I'm walking in hell, I might as well gaze at the flowers.

I couldn't help but watch him. Even in the dark he was captivating.

We didn't have sex. I know, shocker.

While he pulled me into the house and dragged me up the stairs, we were attacking every visible part of each other's body. Kissing everything we could. But once we got to his bed, I had a panic attack. My breathing became uneasy and my heart rate was through the roof. It was like I was on the tea cups at the amusement park. I wanted to barf. I think it was guilt.

Ty.

I honestly didn't even want to think about it. I couldn't. I cried for hours because I felt like the devil. And you know what Lip did? He just held me. With every tear and sniffle, he reassured me. He was there for me. We didn't argue. We didn't yell. We just laid there until we fell asleep.

I have an addict, of course, but I also have a conscience. And right now, she was scolding me. I know what I did was wrong. I didn't even call him. Believe me when I say that I literally feel like shit for it. But I don't want to think about that right now. My addict is asleep right now so I want to relish in that. I'll deal with it tomorrow, I promise. Just let me get through this day without a worry, please? I think I deserve it.