When I wake up I am in a soft bed, but it hurts when I move, everything is blurry.
Someone gets up and sits at the edge of the bed, "How do you feel?" a voice says, touching my cheek softly. It's Elladan, and I try to sit up, but it hurts and I feel a wave of nausea come over me. He gently pushes me down again, "Don't move. Are you all right?" He asks again, even when I look at him, I can only see a blurry, dark silhouette of him, I can't focus on anything.
"I can't see well, everything is dark and blurry." I say, even my mouth hurts. I try to sit up again, fighting nausea, Elladan doesn't stop me.
He leans in closer, probably looking at my eyes, and I am frightened that even at this distance I can't see him still.
"They look all right, but I can't tell, I'll go get the healer." He says.
I catch his arm, "Wait, what happened?" I ask.
He sighs, and sits again, "The spider knocked you unconscious, and before we could pull you out, it stung you." I suddenly feel the tight bandage around my midsection, with all the pain I am in I hadn't noticed it before. "We got you out and we raced here, to the woodland realm." Elladan says.
"Is everyone else alright?" I ask. "Are you alright?" I say even more concerned.
"Yes, I'm fine, there were a few injuries though." He gets up, I feel his hand on my face, "I think you saved my life." He kisses my forehead and leaves.
As Elladan gets the healer I put up my hands in front of my face.. I only see the shadow of them. I don't know what to think. Will this go away?
I almost fall asleep as Elladan comes in with the healer. He introduces himself as Dìrian. He looks at my eyes and checks my bandage around my mid section. He asks me questions about what I see, if it's especially dark around the edges of my eyesight.
He walks out, Elladan follows him. I wonder what they are talking about, without me. Elladan comes in shortly, he says I should go to sleep. I wanted to know what Dìrian said, but I'm too tired.
I wake up, everything is still dark, maybe even darker.... There's someone on the other side of the bed, I sit up and lean over the form, still asleep it seems. I touch what I think is a shoulder, it's Elladan, I could tell by his sigh.
"Elladan, wake up, what time is it?" I ask, shaking him.
"Hmm?" He mumbles and rolls out of bed. "It's about eleven. How are you?" he sits on the bed in front of me, cupping my chin in his hand, probably looking at my eyes again.
"I feel fine, I still can't see." Then I ask, "What were you doing in my room?" I smile, and I get up for the first time since the spider attack. "I thought you might need me." Elladan says laughing as he helps me navigate the room.
Later, after I look somewhat decent, he takes me by the hands. "Cilivren, Dìrian told me that, I hate to say this," he says getting closer, lowering his voice, squeezing my hands, "you may be going to be this way, blind, for a long time...maybe forever."
I'm speechless, like with every piece of news I've been learning. But I could see still some things, like bright colors, light and shadows? How could I stay this way forever? I have never heard of an Elf being this way. Ever.
I feel useless, I can't be any help now.
I retreat to my room for the rest of the day, thinking about life without seeing. I find my zither, and feel the strings, I know them by heart. I play in front of the window, my fingers plucking the strings ever so lightly, soaking the sunlight, even though I can see only the blurry light.
Playing relaxes me, reassuring that I could still do some of the things I loved to do before this.
Elladan gives me time alone until the light began to fade.
I feel his hands on my shoulders, "We are wanted for dinner, if you feel like it." He says. I get up and put my zither away, he wrap his arms around me gently, for I was still sore.
"You alright?" He asks softly.
"Yeah, I can continue my job, I'm alright." I say to him, pulling away, smiling. "Do you still love me? Even though I can't hunt or do anything without help?" I ask.
"I always loved you, Cilivren, and I always will." He says and brings me close and kisses me on the lips, his fingers tracing my jawline.
He lets me go and says, "And good, king Thranduil asks for us. Perhaps you play for us as well?" He says, nuzzling my neck. I laugh, as his his breath tickles my ear.
"Of course." I say and kiss him again, I don't need to see for that. I feel actually like I could be worth something now. As long as Elladan is by my side.
Days after that we are hosted by the Elves of Mirkwood. We gather enough news for lord Elrond to be satisfied.
The we travel back, nothing new happened on the way. Though if something did, we had more elves from Mirkwood to help.
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Every morning I find Elladan beside me in bed, I see his shadowy form fading every day. One morning I can't see him anymore, when I became completely blind.
I miss some things about seeing, like gazing at the stars, walking in the woods alone, looking in Elladan's blue eyes.
Though some things are better without seeing, like a touch can be so reassuring, like a light in the darkness, my few ways of connecting to the outside world.
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Not all elves are physically perfect.
I've been offered to board a ship to the West, to Valinor; though, I declined. If Elladan isn't going, I'm not either.
I have often wondered what it will be like there, if I could see, but there might be a time when we do go there.
One day.
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~written by Kennaphillips on wattpad also known as Light_of_Vailnor on Instagram
And lightofvalinor on twitter
