Cracking the Wattpad Code: Insider Secrets the Pros don't want you to know!

Can you read my book? :D

This chapter should be titled, the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do to you.

Dear readers, when you read the title, did the "Kill Bill" Battle Soundtrack play for you? It always does for me!

Ok, we all have encountered this to some degree, right? In fact, some of us are so downright tired of it.

Me? I am TIRED x 1,000,000 to the 10th power. 

Mike, what tha heck are you talking about?

Ok, here's what I mean. Someone makes nice comments on your page and then your hopes are up! OMG It's a genuine reader! My God, they can totally see my genius! They LOVE me! I'm so happy!

And then, of course, they drop the bomb on you:

"Do you think you can read my book?"

LOL!

Now, I'm a little bit more of a good samaritan than most. I've a soft spot for undiscovered authors because I do understand what it's like to have no one looking at your stuff. I really do! And I've gone out out my way to help writers when I can.

BUT

A few things:

1) GODAMMIT! Did you even read my profile? It says it RIGHT THERE!!! 

I.

DO NOT.

TAKE.

READ.

REQUESTS.

So, there are only three possible things that can happen IF you ask me for a read request.

1) YOU are... an ASSHOLE. Yes, that's right. Because I've already said that I don't do it. And yet, for some reason, you assume you can still ask. Why? Because only a Neanderthal like you would feel so entitled.

2) YOU are... an IDIOT. Because you can't read my profile where it very clearly says, I DON"T TAKE READ REQUESTS.

3) YOU are Completely Cray Cray, because you've somehow read it, but didn't understand it. In other words, I feel sorry for you. How regressed do you have to be to not be able to understand a simple five-word sentence?

Bottom line is, and please, please PLEASE do read this for the sanity of the next featured author, Watty Hot Lister, Published Author, random poor soul who encounters this: 

WE.

DO.

NOT.

CARE.

ABOUT.

YOUR.

BOOK.

Yes, some of us are more helpful than others.

BUT!!!

BUT BUT BUT BUT!!!

It does not mean we are saints who will read EACH. AND. EVERY. SINGLE. BOOK. Just because.

Just because what?

Just because...you asked!

And yes, that does make you either a TOOL or a FOOL. Because only an idiot will ask when it's so clearly spelled out, and only a TOOL will so blatantly disregard it.

Also, dear misfit, have you ever asked a hot woman/guy out for a date? Or ask a rich man for money? How did they respond to that?

Chances are, not so well. Why do you think that is?

It's because they get it so OFTEN.