Dynasty Decapitated

I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you

((Don't even talk 2 me unless u know every single word to 500 miles by the proclaimers and are willing to start scream singing it at any given moment

-Mel))

Another thing Calum doesn't like: cars. Among all other dangerous means of transportation, he considers automobiles one of the worst. They're at the top of the list, right between giant metal birds with fan blades fast enough to chop his boyfriend into dust, and huge, speeding trains on sharp tracks, buried under hundreds of pounds of dirt. Calum hates all transportation.

Again, underground bunker. Somewhere Ashton would be safe no matter what.

Except in the event of a massive cave in of the earth- whatever, Calum's getting ahead of himself. The point is, he doesn't trust cars, anything on wheels, and anything made of metal or hard material, to carry his perfect boyfriend. Above all, he doesn't trust the human error every single thing carries constantly (except anything Ashton does).

Which is why Calum is clad in his skin tight suit again, zipping from building to building on thin webs, with Ashton pressed tight to his chest. Probably lecturing him. The wind is loud, Calum can probably say he couldn't hear Ashton's complaining when he asks.

"Stop, stop, stop!" Ashton yells at the top of his lungs, like Calum has absolutely no idea what he's doing. He lands gently on top of the science center, despite Ashton's screeching, and steadies both of them. As soon as they're standing still, Ashton's feet drop from where they'd been latched tightly around Calum's waist, but his arms stay curled around Calum's neck.

"I'm going to kill you, I can walk by myself," Ashton's scowling at him, so Calum takes the opportunity to peel up the bottom of his mask and press a kiss to his nose. "Stop it, I am walking to work from now on."

"What? No way!" Calum frowns as he peels the mask completely off. This is the tallest building in the area, no one is going to see them way up on the roof. Ashton's hands are in his dark hair in a second, tugging his fingers through the unruly curls that have been matted to his head for roughly an hour. As he pulls, Calum frowns and tugs an arm around his waist. "There's no way you're walking. What if, like, a giant piano falls on you? Or an anvil?"

"We're not in a cartoon, I'll be fine," Ashton's still scowling, but it's lessened now that he has a distraction from their rough, early morning ride.

"Okay, what about a car crash?" Calum asks patiently. "Cars hop the curb all the time. What if you get mugged? What if you don't have any money on you and the mugger stabs you? What if you get jumped? What if your shoe is untied and you trip and fall into traffic. What if-"

"Fine, what about a car?" Ashton suggests.

"That's even worse!" Calum scoffs. Ashton's hands drift down to smooth out his eyebrows and thumb an eyelash off his cheek. "All of that can happen when you're in a car, but it'll be even worse because you're trapped in, like, twelve million tons of steel and shit!"

"The subway?"

Calum stares at him in horror and yells, "The subway?! You mean Dangerous Underground Death Tube?!"

Ashton rolls his eyes and pinches Calum's cheek between his fingers. Whining, Calum turns his head to kiss his fingers until Ashton smiles fondly. "Stop worrying about me. People walk and ride the subway everyday."

"Not you," Calum replies. "You're special, and this is one of the most dangerous cities in the world. If anything happened to you, I'd- I don't know, I don't even want to think about it. I'd just die."

"Stop it," Ashton rolls his eyes again and pulls his hands away from Calum's face.

"I'd die, Ashton, I'd just die!" Calum repeats, following behind Ashton as he starts to walk towards the door leading down into the building. "If you die, I die, let's just make a suicide pact now. Come on, we can swear on our blood."