Hidden Behind Everything Happy

The Lost boys

"Sophie, come and sit with me. I heard all about you and Riley and I'm sorry" Courtney took my hand like an old friend reacquainting herself with my troubles. I found it hard to believe that any of the people at this school had ever really cared or given a shit about me. All of them had always been so caring, and concerned, but all the girls envied me having Riley, and all the bis envied Riley for having me. And now nobody had me, and I had nobody...

"It's no big deal, he's just a guy" I thought downplaying the breakup would be easier than spouting my heart to this girl I wasn't sure I could trust yet. I remember when I was really little, I would talk about my dad with Courtney and say how I wanted to grow up to be just like him and travel the world. Taking Courtney and Imogen up to my tree house my dad built me when I wasn't even able to walk let alone climb a rope ladder.

"But you loved him" I guess I hadn't hidden my true feelings too well then. I guess she could see it, the way my eyes lt up when I looked at him, the way my heart melted when he walked in a room, but all that didn't matter anymore. Gone.

"Meh" I stated weakly knowing she wasn't just gonna let this slide, I remember as she'd aged she'd stopped being the little puppet Imogen and I could push around, she became her own person. A very persistent bloody minded person.

"What's wrong with you Sophie?" I looked into her eyes deeply, wishing I could tell her about my dad, wishing I could show her just how broken I was feeling, not just about Riley, anout my dad. About how I was so terribly lonely and empty inside it was like I couldn't breathe and was being locked in my own coffin of despair and depression.

"What do you mean?" I didn't even want her to say it,

"Stop fucking around, you know exactly what I mean. I grew up with you remember, this is not you! So don't pretend it is! You don't just get over a guy easy Sophie, you were hooked on Riley since we were kids so don't you dare put your fake mask on with me miss popularity queen! Do you think anyone cares, no they don't, because you don't let anyone in" With that she picked up her file, slammed something in front of me on the canteen table and stormed out of the canteen. I looked up feeling flustered as I saw people looking at me curiously. Wanting to see miss populars reaction to one of her minions attacking her verbally in public.

I picked up the thing shed thrown, turned it over and saw a little keying with a photograph in it, it was a small photo but I had to crane my neck and crinkle my eyes to focus on the small faces in amongst the splashes of water. It was Imogen, Courtney and I when we'd gone on holiday together when we were about eight years old.

I just stared at it in shock, she'd kept that with her all this time, even though Imogen had turned into a bitch, and I'd turned into a fake prom queen wannabe. I thought hard about the consequences of what I'd been doing, I'd been happier when I was friends with Courtney, I'd been happy going to parties and dancing all night, I'd been happier with my life when I didn't feel like I had to wear a mask.

I got out of my chair scraping it loudly across the floor allowing people to look at me, then I smiled brightly, for the first time in a long time and walked out of the canteen without eating anything. I had the greatest idea, I would go back ot being me. The real me.

I didn't bother with my next two lessons but instead I went to the shopping centre. I grabbed a few plain vests and some knee length sixties style skirts. I paid and went home. I checked my email and saw one from Courtney. I didn't really need to read it to see what she was going to say.

I am so sorry, I just exploded. I c u everyday acting rather than being u and it drives me mental! Please forgive me, none of that is true people do care. I was just being terrible. I'm sorry Sophie, I didn't mean it. Hey, maybe we can go to the old place with the gang, would that be okay?