Tentacle Lasagna: A Garfield x Squidward fanfiction

Chapter 1: Meeting of the Lovers

"ur mom gay", Squidward thought as he cleaned the tables at the Krusty Krab with his cum rag from middle school. He was sick and tired of that fag, Spongebitch, always being loud and annoying. And his boss, Mr. Krabs, was a useless, obese, senile sack of bloody wet shit. None of these idiots could even begin to comprehend Squidward's advanced intelligence. Due to him watching Rick and Morty, Squidward had acquired a superior intellect and was now a super-genius. He had a solid grasp on theoretical physics, AP Biology, and Chemistry. He could also recite the alphabet, forwards and backwards. Impressive, isn't it? He thought so, and often pondered quitting this stupid job so he could pursue his dream of joining a belly-dancing mariachi band. After all, Squidward was quite skilled at Mongolian throat-singing. Eventually, he finished cleaning the tables and headed back to the cash register. He was already dozing off when someone burst through the front doors of the Krusty Krab. BANG! He looked up to see none other than that sly old fat cat, Garfield.

"Do you have lasagna?" Garfield asked, approaching Squidward. How this filthy mammal was breathing underwater was unknown, but Squidward didn't care. He was too distracted by the cat's majestic rolls of fat. His large, bulging, moist eyeballs, stared deep into Squidward's soul and judged him of his sins. His small, pink nose and wide, girthy mouth seemed perfect to kiss, and his big round beerbelly was just ASKING to be stroked by Squidward's sticky tentacles. So he did so. Squidward was not a man of foreplay. He gently planted a soft smooch on the fat cat's cheek and said, "We don't carry lasagna, but I've got a nice thick cock that's ready to go right up your ass." Garfield grinned. "I hate Mondays, but I love me a nice big dick," he said. And so the two weirdos wandered off into the men's restroom, to have some fun in a stall and get AIDS.