hospitality ❥ h.s

seven

A few weeks later, I found myself slowly forgetting about Rowan. I hadn't heard from her ever since that mortifying day where I finally had the courage to kiss her. Not a single text nor a phone call. I should have known this would happen; I had experienced this many times back in England, so why would Baltimore have such an impact of change on me?

Maybe it's because I've never been in love with anyone until I moved here. At least not until I met Rowan.

The night of the kiss she had left without receiving an explanation, but then again there really was no need for one after all, now that I really think about it. I repeatedly called her almost every day after she left. But every time I called, I was sent straight to voicemail; I didn't even bother to leave messages, I knew she wouldn't listen to them anyways.

I lost hope after the fourth day of her ignoring me and my attempts for forgiveness. It was clear: she hated me and never wanted to speak to me ever again. It wouldn't have been the first time something similar had happened to me, but my heart still sank at the thought that maybe I was destined to be alone; single for all eternity, living in unwanted solitude.

It wasn't long before the best spring break of my life had to come to an end. And as much as I hated it, I had to focus on my studies a lot more now that spring break was over. My efforts also included me putting the best time of my life behind me. I knew I had to forget, because if I didn't I would only be torturing myself over what might have been. And I didn't want torture, I wanted love.

Gradually, the memories I had shared with her became merely pixelated images in my brain. And her name-the name that warmed my heart every single time I heard it-became just a name to me. Actually it became more of a faded memory, one that I could never seem to recover no matter how hard I tried.

Eventually, life went back to normal. I would go to university, learn, avoid everyone, go home, and lie in bed. But the effect the routine always had on me became different. It was no longer just the 'usual day' for me, the impact it had became even more negative, but it was only because I missed her. Rowan was my first real friend-no, she was my best friend-and all it took was one kiss and ten words for her to hate me and leave me forever.

Why was I such an idiot? I thought on my way home from classes. Everything was fine just the way it was, but then you had to go up and ruin everything! You need to buy yourself a fucking brain, Harry. Rowan was your first friend, and there's no doubt that she was also your last.

My subconscious could be very rude sometimes. But I accepted the insults, because I knew they were true.

It wasn't long before I had reached my flat, my apartment was only about twenty minutes away from the university-if I walked home at least.

The second I closed and locked the door, a small sigh escaped my lips. It wasn't a frustrated sigh or a sigh of relief, it was a sigh of exhaustion. I was tired; tired of calling myself a 'fucking idiot', tired of avoiding everyone I ever cross paths with, and basically I was tired of life itself.

Wearily, I made my way to the living room couch, basically bouncing on top of it before settling down on it. Laying down, I closed my eyes and attempted to nap, as I hadn't been able to properly sleep in days. All I actually did at night was replay the faded memories I had shared with Rowan in my mind-all the good ones and the bad ones.

It wasn't until an hour later that I finally found myself dozing off into the world of slumber, and I was surprised I found myself being able to do this because it was raining harshly that day, and the loud sound of the thunder only added to the difficult act of falling asleep. Finally, I thought, resting my head against the couch pillow, I can rest without any problems.