What does "THE FAULT IN OUR STARS" mean to you?

Sometimes The Universe Doesn't Screw Up - Chapter 1

By: xanaliewrites

***

CHAPTER ONE

They would never notice she was gone.

She was just another face in the crowd to them now. Everyone was too drunk, their visions clouded by the drinks and their thoughts swayed by the hypnotic music.

She kept hearing footsteps and soft giggling outside the door, would tense up when she heard someone turning the knob, but then she heard the soft gasps and grunts that came afterwards and she knew it was just another couple, trying to find an empty room.

She rested her head back, her back arching to fit the curve of the sleek white bathtub she was lying in and closed her eyes. She would have been doing the same with her boyfriend a few years ago, if he hadn’t left her for another. She smiled an empty smile, telling herself that she would be better off without him. You don’t need him. You’ll be perfectly fine without him. It was the same thing she told herself every time she had to leave something – or someone – behind and move on. Things will get much better. They’re just keeping you from reaching the stars.

The memory of her mother saying the very same words to her flashed in her mind. She saw an image underneath her eyelids; her mother and her, sitting underneath the oak tree, pointing at the skies, laughing at the shapes the clouds formed; her mother teaching her how the clouds were formed, and why the sky was so colourful.

She remembered what her mother told her about the stars, and her smile became a little less empty. As she grew older, she grew to know that it was all nonsense. Poppycock, her father would say. Yet, it had made sense. How there were things that would hold her back from achieving her dreams. How she had to make sacrifices to get where she wanted. How she had to hold on to what was important and let the little, unimportant things go. How she had to what she must to touch the stars.

But here’s the thing: stars are just balls of gas, floating in space, waiting for their death.

The stars in the sky are millions of miles away from Earth. Even if you did reach for the stars, they would be far from your reach. If you did manage to get near the star, it would most likely be dead. Kids would often wish on shooting stars, but shooting stars aren’t stars. They are imposters. They are meteorites. They are lies.

Kids who wished on stars, kids whose parents told them that if they wished hard enough it would come true are liars. If wishes travelled at the same speed of a rocket, it would still be too late. The star would have died before the wish even reached it.

They were just wishing on dead stars.

She knew that now but she didn’t know it then.

She burned what her mother had told her in her memory, into her mind, into her soul, into her very existence and treated it as her life motto. She gave up play dates with friends because she thought it was a waste of time. She stopped watching Totally Spies and Kim Possible, even though they were her favourite shows. She turned down shopping with her friends, and soon the pain and guilt of letting her friends down slowly faded as she became used to it.

She lost her friends, and contact with the people she was close to. Her relationship with everyone was crumbling, but she didn’t care. She kept telling herself it was for the best. That it will be worth it.

In a way, it was. Her grades skyrocketed. She stole the spot of Top Student without even trying. She was always in the teacher’s good books. Praises and compliments were so common to her; it was like saying hello. She was voted Student Body President. She was nominated Prom Queen. She is popular, beautiful, trendy and is every girl’s role model. She was a star. She was their star.

When she got the scholarship, everyone was so thrilled. People congratulated her, telling her she deserved it. How could she not? She worked hard for it. She earned it. Everyone was so happy for her. She was happy.

It’s only that the happiness never felt complete; could never be filled. She knew, of course, that the hollowness in her heart could be filled again, if she was willing to take the risks and make mistakes.

She always thought that the friends that stayed close to her only stayed near her just because she was the perfect girl. She never considered the fact that people might have actually liked her. They didn’t know who she really was. Most of them didn’t. They didn’t know about the secrets she kept, and the people that she had hurt.

Sacrifices, she told herself. They are only sacrifices.

Some sacrifices were minor, and didn’t matter much to her. Some she had forgotten about long ago. Some had taken her a long time to let go. There were some that were so big; they had left scars and holes so deep she thought they’d never heal. Nevertheless, through all of them, she never regretted it.

Sacrifices. They are only sacrifices.

She was so lost in thought that it wasn’t until she heard the familiar pitch of running water of the sink that she realised she was no longer alone in the bathroom.