You're What?

Take One, Get Two Free (& Angry)

Tony woke up to water splashing over his head. Gasping at the cold, he tried to move away only to discover that his hands and ankles were both tied. He frowned and looked around the room, trying to figure out what had happened. Where was he? Who was the beardless gorilla in front of him and why did he look so familiar? While he had many more questions, those were of top priority at the moment.

"Tony Stark," the man smiled, revealing a set of perfectly white teeth. Well, at least the man had some form of hygiene.

"Gorilla man," Tony replied in the same tone of voice.

The man frowned and reached forward, smacking him hard across the face. Wow. Apparently, gorilla's could pack a punch.

"It's Oliver," the man snarled.

Tony raised an eyebrow. None of his other kidnappers had been so open about telling him their names. Gorilla man—Oliver—must be an amateur.

"My bad," Tony said, still slightly confused by everything. "I got confused with all the crazy arm hair."

That earned him another slap and Tony nodded, congratulating him on his ability to hit well. This time Oliver punched his jaw. With an aching jaw and no desire to be hit again, Tony stayed quiet.

"I was warned you would be stupid."

So there were more than just Oliver in on this kidnapping. How many exactly, Tony wasn't sure. Probably more than four if his returning memory served him correctly.

"Any particular demands?' Tony asked, "Usually kidnappers have a few."

Oliver smirked and stood upright, glancing towards the door. Two more men walked in and Tony frowned.

"We want your tech."

Tony scoffed. Why had he expected anything else?

"Oh, sorry," Tony said, giving Oliver an apologetic look. "Stark Industries isn't in the business of giving bad guys good tech."

Oliver looked at one of the other men and the man jabbed him with a taser. Tony's muscles seized and he shook as the electric current raced through his body.

When the man released him, he breathed heavily. That was uncomfortable.

"I wasn't asking," Oliver said, though Tony had already figured that much out. "You see, my boss isn't a very patient man and will not hold back in order to get that tech."

Tony froze. hat meant they must have grabbed Pepper and Peter. Where were they?

"Don't hurt them," Tony demanded, beginning to panic for the first time since waking up.

Oliver looked at him, visibly confused.

"Who?"

They both stared at each other, confused expressions mirroring each other.

"What do you mean who?" Tony asked, looking at him strangely. Was Oliver trying to play dumb? "Pepper and Peter. Where are they?"

Turning to look uncomfortably at the other men, Oliver said, "I don't know who you're talking about."

Tony stared at him with a blank expression. He didn't know who Pepper was? At the very least, Oliver should know her from the media. Maybe not Peter, but shouldn't he have done better research before kidnapping someone?

"Hold on, did you not kidnap them too?" Tony asked, trying to make sense as to what was happening.

Oliver shook his head slowly.

"How long have I been here?"

"Seven hours."

Tony let out a short laugh. He chuckled, then found himself in hysterics. If he could have, he would have doubled over in laughter.

Oliver hadn't kidnapped his wife and son! God, he was so screwed.

"What's so funny?" Oliver demanded, glancing at his two men to see if they knew what was going on.

Tony was in tears he was laughing so hard. It took him several minutes to recover.

"Oh man, you're in for a surprise," he said breathlessly, "Tell me, how long do you think you'll survive when my wife and son come to save me? I'd say ten minutes, but that's optimistic."

"Wife and son?" Oliver asked, realisation slowly dawning on him

Tony sighed, the smile permanent on his face now.

Suddenly, the wall to their right exploded and Tony ducked as a chunk of cement sailed over his head. The three men in front of him turned to see the attacker, only to be blasted off their feet by an invisible blast. A second later, the Iron Spider was at Tony's side.

"Stop laughing!" Peter whined, tugging at Tony's bonds.

Tony couldn't help it. He shook with laughter as he watched Pepper in her Iron Man armour beat up the three men.

"There's more down the hall," Pepper told Peter. God, that metallic voice had never sounded sexier to Tony's ears. "I'll get them."

"I'm coming too," Peter objected, leaving Tony's side.

Pepper beckoned him to follow and they ran down the hall while Tony continued to laugh, watching his wife and son beat up his kidnappers.

"I was wrong," he told Oliver's body, "You barely lasted a minute."

By the time Pepper and Peter returned to him, he had stopped laughing and as they both took off their masks, he grinned at them.

"Sorry we're late," Pepper said, "Peter had a Decathlon practice."

Tony just shook his head with a smile. If people wanted to kidnap him, they really had to take out Pepper and Peter first. However, Tony had to admit he enjoyed watching them at work. Maybe he should just let all his enemies find out about his family the hard way. It was great entertainment.