Amnesia [MARICHAT]

28

   Marinette Dupain-Cheng's biggest secret had just been revealed to the person she cared about most - and she had never seen him look so angry.

   Chat Noir was pissed. This was a side of him that she had not yet met.

   "How - how -"

   "How did I get here before you did?" He asked, shifting his weight onto one leg and glaring at her from beneath limp blond bangs. "Good question, Ladybug."

   She felt the jab like it was a physical blow.

   "I knew it," he said quietly. "I knew something was off." His extraordinary green eyes were dim, glimmering in the fading light from the window. "You would never miss an akuma battle, and you would have told me what was wrong. You also seemed so strange when you came back - as if you had forgotten who you were."

   She flinched as she watched him watch her. She recoiled from the hurt in his eyes. He felt so betrayed - and she thought that if she were in his position, she would be feeling the same thing.

   "And I started thinking about how Ladybug seemed so different since I fell in love with Marinette."

   He said it so softly, like he was still reeling from the discovery.

   "She seemed familiar to me somehow, familiar in a way that wasn't Ladybug, but a way that I knew very intimately.

   "I felt like I knew her better even though we stopped talking as much as we had used to, and she didn't say a word when I stop flirting with her, and we bantered... Like we've known each other for years. I was in love with her long before I knew Marinette the way I do, but when I fell in love with Marinette, I... I hated to think that I'd given up, and realzing that you were the same person..."

   He shook his head as if he couldn't believe it. Marinette couldn't believe it, even though it happened and that he knew, and there was nothing else she could do but tell him she was sorry and that she regretted it ever had to happen this way.

   Marinette had no idea how many times she wanted to tell him, how many times she wanted to share with him that she knew him better than anyone, that she was Ladybug, that she fought akumas with him so many times a week. She wanted to tell him she loved him and that it was her, it was always her, it would always ever be her, but she wasn't supposed to. It was the one thing she was never supposed to tell – her secret – and it killed her to keep it from him, because she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him more than anything.

   I am Ladybug, she wanted to scream when he looked at her, touched her, kissed her, and told her he loved her. I am Ladybug, you love both sides of me, I love you, and I want you to tell me who you are, I want to tell you who I am.

   Then the burning of tears crawled up her throat, and she could feel her eyes sting. She wanted to cry, more than anything, she wanted to cry. She felt the tears dripping down her face, but she didn't move. Didn't budge. Marinette couldn't look away from Chat's eyes, the way he looked at her with so much pain and betrayal, and she felt her heart ache as if she were made of stone and it was trapped within her, beating for a life that would never live. 

   "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

   "Why?" He said. "Why would you lie to me? Why wouldn't you tell me? What could it hurt?"

   She brought her hands to her chest and clenched her shirt, as if it was the only thing keeping her on Earth. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean – I didn't want this to happen... I thought –"

   "You thought what? You thought that it wouldn't matter? You thought that maybe, just maybe nothing bad would happen if you didn't tell me?"

   She shook her head, more tears pouring down her cheeks. "No, no! That's not what I meant, I thought – I just -"

   His cat ears drooped, and just seeing it broke her heart a thousand times. "I can't, Marinette. I can't – I can't understand why you would do this to me. I thought you loved me, I thought you were it, and I let Ladybug go because you meant more to me than anything on this earth. You hurt me, Marinette."

   She heard his words echo in her head.

   You hurt me, Marinette.

   Marinette.

   She shook her head again, moving this time, trying to climb down the ladder. "Chat, I didn't mean for this to happen, I just, I never thought I would have to tell you, I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I just wasn't thinking, because you made me not think, because you were everything and all I could ever think about was you and not how I was Ladybug and not that I was lying because – because I needed you and I didn't know what you would think because Ladybug never returned your affections and Marinette did and I didn't want you to think I didn't actually love you–"

   "I fell in love with you twice," he murmured, his eyes glowing with emotion. An emotion that made her flinch. 

   She was sorry, and maybe the issue was that she hadn't been thinking when she was with him – because he made her feel things that she never felt before. She was so, so distracted when she was with Chat Noir. She had hardly thought about the consequences. 

   He looked at her one more time before he left without a word. His green eyes were familiar to her, a comfort and a home. And now they were cold and dark, haunting.

   He didn't love her anymore.

   I fell in love with you twice. 

Haha, little does miss Marinette know, she fell in love with him twice, too. 

This chapter sucks. I hate it. Tell me what you think.

I'd like to thank those of you who have stuck with me and made sure to comment on almost every chapter that you loved it, and were waiting for more. You never had to do that, but you have, and it makes me very happy. Thank you. 

I actually wrote this chapter through a microphone while I was walking my dog, and for some reason, to me it feels different - the manner of writing, I mean. Because I said all of it aloud. Do you feel it, too?