Beautifully Damaged

24. Lost

Thank god for whoever had set up my life for me. The road to Detroit without a GPS would have been slightly more than tricky, considering I wasn’t even sure where I was. It was like the little town that I’d ended up in was somewhere on the fringes of reality, without a name or real placement. I plugged in the address given to me by the paper I’d received the day before and reviewed the route I’d have to take.

The GPS told me that it would take a few hours to reach my destination, which meant plenty of thinking time. That thought alone was more than daunting, but I was resolved to finding out what was going on, what had happened to me, and why it had happened to me. To back out now would be stupid and pointless, and it wasn’t in me to just give up the only lead I’d had in a long time.

I pulled out of the school parking lot, my hands still unsteady on the wheel. It was frightening, knowing what Drake had done- but even more worrying that Alex said that he hadn’t been there. Drake couldn’t have gotten away that fast; no one could do a disappearing act like that. I was beginning to wonder about my sanity, but I couldn’t have imagined fear that real, and pain that sharp. Mind games were one thing, but fabricating that whole incident was ridiculous and improbable. Unless there was seriously something totally weird in my head, then it had happened, no matter what Alex said.

I could still feel the acute pressure in the back of my head where it had connected with the wall, steadily decreasing every moment that I drove away from my high school. Still, I could feel Alex’s soft lips against my own, but I couldn’t concentrate on that right then. Too much had happened, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

On the one incredibly shaky hand, I hadn’t hated the kiss, and I undoubtedly hadn’t tried to stop it. On the other side of things, Alex treated me like a child, as if I didn’t know anything and was extremely difficult to keep up with. My view of the world was narrow, and there wasn’t much that I could do about anything in my life until I saw the bigger picture.

The silence in the car was stifling, for once, and I fished out my once-new iPod and plugged it into the dashboard. Instantly, the heaven sent chords of Marianas Trench’s Masterpiece Theatre II filled my car, instilling a sense of calm into me. It was so easy to listen to, and I doubted that any of their songs would ever get old. I wondered why they weren’t more famous, because they undeniably deserved it.

That was life, I noticed, and it wasn’t always fair.

Even so, I hoped for their success as readily as I hoped for my own, because the universe had to give at some point. I drove, with only music to keep me company, filling the space that Bear used to occupy, for hours, only stopping for gas and a couple of breaks to stretch my legs.

The sun hung over the horizon, not quite ready to sink below it just yet, by the time I reached Detroit. The tall, imposing buildings were daunting, but beautiful as they glinted over the Detroit River and Lake St. Clair. Taking care not to get off track, I followed the last directions on the GPS, gliding out through the downtown area heavy with traffic and to the outskirts of the great city.

The waterside view faded away quickly, with skyscrapers and buildings reasserting their presence over it.

Apartment blocks gave way to houses with squares of land, and those, eventually, gave way to ramshackle, worn homes, unkempt and broken.  Graffiti lined walls and abandoned buildings. I found myself watching my surroundings warily, anticipating the worst from this decrepit neighborhood. Tired colors gave in to bland, washed out hues. Even the grass and trees seemed to give up, stunted and wilted over the cracked pavement.

The warning bells in my head that should have been going off in my head were silent, and in their place sprouted an overhanging dark cloud, an oppression of my soul. Old pickup trucks and rusted cars sat on sad lawns, for the lucky people who had transportation at all.