Harry Potter One Shots

(1) The Balance of Emotions

All rights belong to the author, mallemus

The wind caressed Severus Snape's cheek, as a new tear began to form in the corner of his eye. It was not the first tear that Severus had shed that evening. A tragedy had happened and Severus was currently standing with the outcome of it. In his arms, he held, what for a long time to come would be called a miracle. Severus studied the bundle in his arms, his eyes kept going back and forth between the scar, formed as a lightning bolt, and the dark hair that reminded him of buried memories of a painful time years ago.

James Potter had made Severus's life a living hell at Hogwarts and as much as Severus wanted to let go of that imbecile's child something made him hold it tighter after all the child was all Severus had left of Lily too. To Severus she would always be Lily Evans, the girl he forever would be deeply in love with and nothing could change that, not even that fact that she had chosen to marry James Potter.

Severus felt a hand on his shoulder but did not bother to look who's hand it was.

"Severus," the kind voice of Albus Dumbledore spoke to him, but Severus refused to acknowledge his presence. Let me grieve alone and in silence. Severus thought as a shiver went down his spine. He would never be able to see her and hear her laughter, and he missed it so much. Not a day went by where his thoughts did not wander towards Lily, his beloved Lily.

As Severus stood there with Lily's child he could not help but feel defeated and vulnerable, his secret was out now. There was no way he would be able to hide the fact that he still loved his childhood crush. The tear that had formed in the corner of his eye rolled down his cheek, followed by many more.

"I-I should have done s-so-something. I should have wa-warned her." Severus stuttered as he struggled to comprehend that Lily was dead and that it was not a nightmare. The stream of tears made it even harder to express his thoughts. A part of him wanted to disapparate to a place far away, or if it was possible, go back in time and be a better friend to Lily so that this maybe never would have occurred.

He looked at the night sky as if he somehow would be able to find answers among the stars, but the sky was clouded with no stars to be found. Severus turned his attention to the bundle in his arms. Harry Potter, Lily Potters son, was sound asleep. The child was not the slightest distressed, he looked peaceful as if the world around him was not filled with chaos and mayhem.

"Don't blame yourself, Severus." Albus squeezed Severus's shoulder, although it was meant as a kind and reassuring gesture the miserable feeling did not leave Severus.

Severus did not want to look Albus in the eyes and show him how defeated he really was, he felt miserable enough without Albus's pity.

A crack took Severus's attention away from the child just to see that it was Minerva who had apparated to Godric's Hollow.

As she came closer Severus was able to see that Minerva too has cried.

"Albus, please tell me it isn't true." It almost sounded as if she was begging him.

Severus turned to Albus who, with a silent answer, just shook his head. Minerva covered her mouth with her hand as a sob left her.

Minerva managed to calm herself as she asked Albus what to do with Harry. But before Albus could form an answer Severus had already answered for him.

"Let me take care of him. It's the least I can do."

Both Minerva and Albus stared at him with disbelief in their eyes.

Severus could feel that Harry was beginning to move which only lead to Severus holding him tighter.

"What about the Dursleys?" Albus asked curiously, but before Severus could answer, Minerva cut him off.

"Harry will not grow up with those people, Albus. I have been watching them all day, they're absolutely horrible!" Minerva exclaimed.

Albus had a glimpse in his eye when he answered Minerva's outburst. "It would be good for Harry to grow up where nobody knows who he is."

"With two horrible adults who appear to only love their own son?" Minerva asked in disbelief while looking as if she wanted to hex Albus back to Hogwarts.

Albus avoided Minerva's glare and brushed a non-existent crumb of his lilac robe and turned his attention towards the bundle in Severus's arms. "Take him back to the castle, Severus. We'll discuss the matter there. Wait for me in my office, I have something I need to take care of."

And with that Albus apparated away and left Minerva and Severus with the still sleeping child.

Severus glanced at the house that was behind him. It seemed so empty, almost as if the life that had been present only a few hours before had been suck out of it. The mere thought of Lily's dead body lying in Harry's nursery send a shiver down his spine.

He could feel Minerva starring at him but he did not turn around instead, he took a step towards the house.

"Promise me you'll keep him safe, Severus." Minerva's voice was filled with sorrow.

As he took another step towards the house Severus looked over his shoulder. "I promise."

Severus straightened his back as he came closer to the house, though what he really wanted was to crawl under a rock and hide.

Severus reached the doorstep and heard the loud crack Minerva made when she apparated away.

A couple of photos caught Severus's attention as he stepped further into the house. The photo that had caught most of his attention was a photo of Lily, as a little girl, she could only have been around eleven years at that time. She had an excited look on her face and a smile that could light up the whole world. Carrying Harry with one arm he took the photo and looked around to see if there was anything else he needed to take with him. Severus glanced at James's body when he walked past it, there was no life left in his eyes, nothing of the James who had tortured him throughout his time at Hogwarts was left. Severus felt remorseful as he went up to Harry's nursery. Though Severus had wanted James dead, he had never really expected it to happen, at least not like that.

He tried to avoid Lily as he walked through the door to Harry's nursery, but it was impossible. Severus tried to get a hold of himself, if not for himself then for Lily. He held Harry closer to his chest as he grabbed a stuffed animal from the cot.

With one last look at Lily he apparated away.