Radio Interview (Louis Tomlinson)

Chapter 9 ~ Havi

Chapter 9 ― Havi

I couldn’t look at him when all I wanted was to scream that I didn’t want this. What was wrong with me? I didn’t need all this drama and most certainly I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t avoid it even if I wanted to. I tried to tell myself I was okay with just being co-workers, but I wasn’t. I tried to lie to myself that I didn’t care, but I couldn’t do it anymore. I did care, and apparently, I cared a lot.

Louis carried many reasons with him of why I shouldn’t feel this way towards him, but it seemed like this stubborn part of me didn’t understand it. He was a popstar, he was ultra mega famous with thousands of girls screaming for him, he probably had a gorgeous girlfriend, he would never date a girl like me and he didn’t see me the same way I saw him.

“Joy,” I called my best friend who was typing more for our planning of the contest. The blonde girl turned around, her eyes locked with mine immediately.

“What happened, love?” she asked with a slightly worried expression. She probably had sensed that there was something odd with me, or maybe it was my voice that sounded so at the edge of breaking.

“It seems like you were right,” I told her feeling this lump in my throat that made difficult for me to talk. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged my legs in a shield-like position.

“Right about what, love?” She asked, and her concern was so obvious and that only made me feel weaker. I felt like crying and it was all because I didn’t know what to do, because I felt that all this was bigger than me and it was escaping from my hands, running through my fingers like water.

“I might fancy Louis after all,” I confessed burying my face between my knees and trying to hold the first sob. I didn’t want to cry but I was angry with myself for allowing this to happen. I couldn’t, I shouldn’t, feel this way for Louis, not when all what he wanted was to keep a professional relationship, but I did and it felt so horrible to know that I was doomed to an unrequired love. “I don’t wanna fancy him,” I whispered still hiding my face as I felt the first tears escaping.

“Oh, Havi!” Joy cooed before hugging me tight. I hugged her back and buried my face in her chest and let it go.

I felt like shit in that moment because this was just a mess. I didn’t want to feel like this, but it was totally hopeless. My feelings for him weren’t that strong and maybe it was stupid of me to feel like this or to make such a scandal for something that didn’t have importance, but I felt like it was the biggest thing on the world and I knew Joy would let me feel like this and would say nothing like it was stupid or silly of me, she would support me till I got over it. She would let me feel and cry and moan about it till I was sick but ready to move on.

“But why are you crying? It’s not something bad, is it?” She inquired and I let another sob to come out.

“It is because he made clear enough that he doesn’t feel the same way and that he’s not even interested in being my friend,” I told her half whispering-half yelling.

“How do you know this?” She asked again as she stroke my hair softly, I just hugged her tighter.

“He told me that.” And at my mind came back the moment when he told me why he was avoiding me, how he believed it was better for me to keep our distances. I knew he wasn’t lying, but I couldn’t believe it was the only reason why he wanted to put distance between us. Maybe he felt I was starting to have feelings for him and this was his way to stop it. Maybe he just didn’t like me at all and wanted me as far away as possible, though I really thought we were getting along great.