"I'm not saying that I have a bad life, but if you were to write a story with me in the lead role, it would certainly be a tragedy."
When I said that there was no way that my life could possibly get any worse, I was kidding. I didn't actually expect...
"To me, when someone wrongs you, you both share the weight of that wrongdoing – the pain of it weighs on both of you. Forgiveness, then, means choosing to bear the full weight all by yourself."
—Veronica Roth
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"So, what's the problem?" Hailey asked, her tone sounding only slightly annoyed that I'd called her in the middle of her study session, to vent about my love life.
I put the phone on speaker as I scooped more ice cream into my bowl. It was getting hard to do with just one hand. "I don't know, Hails. It just all seems too soon."
"It's not too soon, Tay. You've given yourself plenty of time to move on and it's not a bad thing to admit how badly you want it to work."
"I don't have a problem admitting it." I put the ice cream container back and carried the bowl to the counter and sat. I took the phone off of speaker and put it to my ear. "I guess I'm scared?"
"It's okay to be scared, but you're not scared."
The spoon in my mouth grew heavy. "I'm not?"
"You've survived a major heartbreak and now that you're happy again, you feel guilty. It's the guilt that's holding you back."
"What the fuck do I have to be guilty about?"
"You think that you're betraying the memory of your last relationship by finding peace in the new one. Come on, Tay, it's not rocket science."
"That's not right." I shoveled more ice cream into my mouth as I spoke.
"No? Okay. Have you told him that you love him?"
"Well, no. But—"
"It's been two weeks since he's said it. Two weeks of nothing but bliss, I'm sure. And I know that you love him, too. You don't have to admit it to me, I'm only your best friend in the whole world."
I tried to get more ice cream and ended up scraping what I realized then was an empty bowl. Huffing, I pushed it aside and put my head on the cool granite. "You can't manipulate me into saying it," I told her with more gusto than I felt. She was right, of course, but I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.
Over the last two weeks I'd had a lot of time to think and reflect upon my feelings for Nathan and I came to the shocking conclusion that I felt the same way about him as he did me. I just didn't know how to go about admitting it out loud. Not even to Hailey.
"What time are you meeting him for dinner?"
I groaned. "He's coming to get me in less than an hour and then we have to go to his parents house. They're so horrid."
"You sound all of five years old, Taylor." Now she really sounded annoyed. "You've got two more minutes to wallow in your self-inflicted problems and then I'm hanging up."
