The Yous

You #4

This is what you wanted. Are you really prepared for what you asked for? I think I'm finally done. You've torn me apart and ripped me to shreds then lazily put me together just so you can tear it all down again but easier this time. It was all puppy love at the beginning. The normal long texts every morning and flirting like crazy. I was head over heels for you. I chased you for months until you finally said you liked me too. Or did you. Was this really all even worth it. I thought I was being blessed with the most amazing person in the word. I looked at you and just thought about how beautiful and sweet you were. You cared for me. I cared so much for you. I really thought you were the one. I made all these plans for the future with you not thinking twice that it would ever end. But it did. That's all that happened, it just ended. I don't know where I should of started to notice this wasn't worth it. I noticed too late. I'm not going to say I wasted 2 years on you cause believe me for the first year and a half I thought I was in heaven. You delt with all my bullshit and how ridiculous I was. My emotions were all over the place, but when I was with you I was content. The last 6 months were the worst part. I thought I was the failure. I thought this was all my fault. It really wasn't. You were manipulative. You say that I just started to repress my emotions but let's just think back to why that happened. Anytime I would express how I felt you made me feel dumb, worthless, wrong, ignorant, and the list goes on. I thought I was the bad person. It was all my fault because I wasn't "providing enough". You broke up with me multiple times over things so little but yet to me it felt like I had let the world down. You blamed it on me. But an hour later you would be fine and I would be in pieces. I don't know how I went through so much just for you. How did I let you break me and then you'd laugh and I would just laugh along. You always told me to tell you if you were being even the slightest bit of controlling or manipulative and this is me telling you I guess. I get it now. I finally experienced how hard it is to tell. I finally realize what it's like. I don't think anyone should have to go through that. You continue to be manipulative even now that we aren't together. You begged to still be friends with me and I held on, reluctantly. I couldn't tell if it was right or not. You wanted to hang out with me this weekend and I was completely fine with it until the first words that came out of your mouth were "I know you like someone else". I knew it wasn't over and as soon as you said that I reverted back into being under your control. You drilled me about it and how I should be feeling emotions about our break up, but you killed those. They are long gone. You bragged about liking 2 other guys and I felt jealous for some reason. You were manipulating me and I went blind to it yet again. At the end I was crying and I gave you a hug and kissed your forehead cause I felt bad. I thought it was all my fault again but it's not. When am I going to realize that it's not my fault. You did this to me. You broke me to this point. I can't believe I suffered through 2 years thinking it was heaven. You really put up a disguise. I should of seen the flames burning down your white sheets. I'm done. It's done. Is this what you wanted? Did you finally want me to break like this? To tell you it's done and I was over it just so you can text me later and tell me how wrong I am and that I'm such an asshole. I'm not falling for it this time. I've been told by so many people that our relationship was not a good one. They told me that they didn't want to say anything because I was so happy. That's how you know that it was bad. The one who hurts the most used to be "happy". I hope you treat the others better. And I hope this is what you wanted because this is what you're getting.