brave//5SOS

46

Ashton

Her heart beat went flat.

I could feel my hands shaking and my eyes welled up but I needed to be there for Tom.

We just lost a beautiful soul.

"She's gone," he sobbed, sinking into the ground.

"She needed to go Tom, you saw how much pain she was in,". Michael sunk to the floor with him comforting him because I was about to snap.

Michael was the only one ready- as ready as one can be-to face this because he'd spoken to people. I didn't doubt for a second that he'd be crying later but his professional side kicked in straight away.

Luke stood silently, looking at her.

Calum still held her hand.

I leant against the cupboard, starting to cry.

She had been a light in my life for years, I'd know her for so long. If anyone was having a rough day at hospital and she came in, she made their mood lift.

I already missed her laughs, her smile.

Her smile was so beautiful.

Calum came over and pulled me into a hug, letting me break down. I felt my heart shatter. I gripped tightly onto his top, making sure he didn't let go.

"Hey, Hey... we need to sign some papers then we will go home,"

"I can't go home without her. She didn't deserve this. No one deserves this,"

Both of us were crying but he kept his thoughts inside. I couldn't do that right now.

"Shhhhh,"

More nurses and doctors came in, starting to take off all the wires. Then they started to take her away.

"No, no, no," I sobbed.

"She's gone. I don't... I can't," Luke mumbled, slumping down into the chair. Tom's mum rushed in, quickly thanking us and taking him out. Michael went over to Luke who was also about to shatter.

I'd never seen us all so distraught.

"Ashton, I love you man," Calum mumbled, holding me tightly.

I wanted to reply but I couldn't. My lips were sealed together. She was gone.

All this time, I'd given myself false hope while knowing she wouldn't be ok.

I'd let her down.

There were a lot of papers to sign but eventually we got to go home. It felt so wrong though.

There was a stillness in the air when we got back and everyone went their own separate rooms.

Suddenly, I didn't want to speak to anyone.

Calum managed to make us all food but I refused to eat; I wasn't in the mood.

We all took the next few days off work. Michael, Calum and Luke spent a lot of time together but I didn't. I'd drag it down and... she was gone.

She was actually gone.

No more cuddles at night, no more bad Christmas films, no more laughs.

No more of anything.

It was hard to find a reason to smile without her.

Her funeral was organised quickly and paid for by us; it was today.

I thought I could help her, I promised her that she would make it. I promised to be there all the time.