If only I could love you

Chapter 15

“Are you sure about this?” Phil looked worried, as he stepped over the threshold into Dan’s house.

Dan followed him in, carrying a heavy bag, “Of course, my parents will be fine with it! You can sleep in the spare room.” The smell of stale cigarettes and alcohol hit him as he entered the house. “FUCK! Phil! My parents are home tomorrow, will you help me clean this up?”

Phil turned, and smiled, “Of course, Howell.” He took the bag from Dan’s hand and dropped it onto the floor, “But first…” He placed one hand on Dan’s waist and leant in, joining their lips. Dan let his hands wonder to Phil’s face, holding him there. He parted his lips, smiling into the kiss. It already felt so natural, like they had been doing this forever. Perfect.

They broke apart, “I can’t believe this is actually happening,” Dan said, before blushing at how cheesy he sounded.

Phil chuckled, before kissing Dan’s forehead, “Well, get used to it.”

Dan grinned, and grabbed onto Phil’s jacket, pulling him into the living room. The strobe light had stopped, the bulb had probably blown. The room was dark. Dan turned, dragging Phil around too, and pushed him down onto the sofa which was behind him. As he sat down next to Phil, Phil grabbed his waist and hoisted him up, and onto his lap. Dan giggled, before leaning in to kiss him. It was so dark that he missed and his cheek brushed against Phil’s. They both laughed, until Phil placed his hands onto Dan’s cheeks and guided him into the kiss. Their lips moulded together perfectly. Dan eagerly ran his tongue along Phil’s bottom lip, until it moved to let him in. As their tongues swirled, Dan raised his hands and curled them into Phil’s hair. Phil moaned and readjusted himself on the sofa, before pulling away and crying out.

“OW! JESUS FUCK!” He pushed Dan off onto the sofa next to him and leapt up, rubbing his bum. On the sofa where he had been sitting lay a broken bottle, the jagged edge pointed upwards.

“Oh shit, you okay?” Dan asked, trying not to laugh.

Phil grinned, “Yeah I’m good. Fucking hurt though.”

Dan chuckled, “Maybe we should tidy the house, then.”

Phil laughed, and then said sarcastically, “Yeah, maybe.”

Dan stood up, walked over to the door, and turned on the light switch. He gasped. The room was completely wrecked. There were stains in the white carpet, someone had drawn a penis on the wall with black pen, and the glass on the door leading to the outside was splashed with vomit.

Dan began to hyperventilate, “What the fuck are we gonna do?! Oh my god ohmygodohmygod-”

As he panicked, Phil rushed over to him and took him into his arms, “Shh, don’t worry, we’ll get this cleaned up in no time, don’t worry, get some ‘Mr Muscle’ and we’re good to go,” Dan was calmed by Phil’s warmth, and his tight arms around him. He smiled to himself. These last twenty-four hours had been an emotional rollercoaster. One which, this morning seem to only go down, but now it felt the opposite. Dan remembered a line from a book which he had read a while ago.  I’m on a rollercoaster which only goes up, my friend. Hadn’t something bad happened to the boy in that book? Hmmm. He opened his eyes and began to concentrate on the task at hand. Phil let go of him and he walked out of the room.

There was a small closet under the stairs, where they kept all of the cleaning equipment. He grabbed a hoover and handed it to Phil. Then, he picked up a roll of bin liners and a mop.

“You hoover the living room; I’ll pick up the litter.”

—

It took a very long time to clean up. Almost four hours. They had played music, and talked whilst they cleaned. At one point, Phil began to dance with the broom, along to the music. Dan laughed so much that he had to sit down.

Now, they both sat on chairs outside, smoking.

Dan let out a smoky breath and said, “We make a good team.”

Phil smiled and nodded, “Yeah, we do.” He winked.

Dan took a drag from his cigarette. Then, he asked, “What are you going to do about your dad?”

Phil looked up, “What?”

“I mean, feel free to stay for a few weeks, but you can’t stay forever.  My parents wouldn’t allow it. But I don’t think it’s safe for you to stay with him anymore. Especially if he finds out about us.”

“Us? How would he find out about us?”

“We’re going to tell people, right?”

“Dan…” Phil sighed, “In Manchester, I wasn’t only bullied by my father. I was also bullied at school. Just a couple of cunts thought it was funny to push me and Charlie around… basically, I don’t think I’m quite ready to come out to people in school just yet.”

Dan’s heart dropped. So they were going to be a secret couple? It wasn’t what he wanted, but he was going to have to respect Phil’s choices. “Okay.”

“And about my dad, I’m going to try and contact my mum. My parents got divorced when I was seven. My mum had an affair, and my dad decided he didn’t want me to see her anymore. That’s all I know. But sometimes I get emails from her. I think she lives in London, so maybe I can go and live with her.”

“That’s a great idea!”

“The only problem is I don’t currently have contact with her. She hasn’t replied to my emails in over a year. So I don’t know how that’s gonna happen.”

“You could go to the police?”

“No. He may be an arsehole, but he’s my dad.”

“But-”

“I said no, Dan. We’ll have to think of something else.”

Dan felt upset, but he had to respect Phil’s decision. He leant in, and kissed the bruise on Phil’s cheek. Then, he flicked his cigarette end away and stood up. “You wanna get your room set up, then?”

Phil nodded, and followed him inside.