For Those Who Don't Believe in Love Songs

Chapter 21 - Foul is Fair

October 25, 1994

James tried in vain to keep from pacing. He kept Macbeth open and in front of him, serving as both cover from other students and distraction from himself.

Fair is foul, and foul is fair, hover through fog and filthy air.

He repeated the random couplet to himself but couldn't keep his attention from the clock.

7:17.

The second fifteen years had been exhausting. It was the ninth time he'd had to endure a consecutive set and it hadn't gotten easier. Without her, his life was meaningless. Without her, he felt hollow. But he had to make it to the 25th. Stay out of prison or the psych hospital. Keep his mother from moving or losing their home. Maintain a respectable level of order and harmony in the school – all while running on fumes.

He let his eyes defocus and saw her smile as she crossed the street from the bus stop thirty years before. So excited... She had news! That she used the short time his quick death left them to impart her theory was remarkable. The idea, in and of itself, was intriguing, but he couldn't say whether using gravity to complement their efforts instead of correcting for it held real value until they could run it in the lab, and that might not happen for a while. His intention was to put off the research for a life or two, and focus on their secular happiness. Maybe they'd go back to Puerto Escondido, off the southern coast of Mexico and volunteer at the schools and-

"Hi Jimmy," a girl walking past said.

The sudden return to reality was a smack in the face. "Can't talk," he replied curtly, holding up the book.

"Oh, sorry," she said and continued on.

Fair is foul, and foul is fair, hover through fog and filthy air.

There was solace to be found in the fact that it would soon be over. But his growing fear and paranoia overwhelmed any and all optimism.

7:19.

Ninety seconds until she would walk through the door.

If she walks through...

He shook the thought from his head. Two no-shows couldn't happen consecutively. The odds were 1 in 508.

Which is not zero. So yes, it could happen!

No, he was being dramatic. He was seconds away from laughing at his ridiculous nerves. He looked at the clock.

7:20 and ten seconds!

He shook out his hands.

Twenty seconds...

He exhaled slowly.

Thirty seconds...

And... nothing.

"No," he said. Nearby, a few heads turned. He ignored them, instead alternating from the clock to the entrance and back as if expecting something to change. But he knew it was as pointless as looking west for the rising sun. He leaned his back against the wall and slid down to the floor. His thoughts were jumbled. It was possible. In fact, with over 200 replicates, one would anticipate such an anomaly at some point. But something felt off. Something felt altered.

He could travel to California – find Steven, confirm the suicide was typical in time and place-

"Yo, man. You aiight?" Calvin asked, suddenly standing over him.

"Fuck off," James blurted. The malice came as a surprise – a surge of heat in his head and chest he hadn't felt in a very long time.

"Dang, man. My bad," Calvin said, also surprised.

"No... wait," James stammered. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Nah, whatever man," Calvin said, then walked away.

James took a deep breath to refocus. Forty five years?! Could he hold off the darkness that long?

He came to a decision. He would not go to California. It would be a waste of time he could not spare. There had not been some unknown, radical change. It was simply bad luck. Everything would return to normal in the next life. Of this, he was certain.

Once again, he looked to the school's entrance. The shortest distance between himself and the next 25th was currently stored in the glovebox of his car, so he stood and left the school en route.

Author's note:

Okay, I'm old AF and even I don't know what forty five years feels like.  How long before he just gives up?

Like, totally 90's detail:  Really?  James is on the precipice of nihilism and you're hoping for a My So Called Life reference?!?  Sorry.  Didn't mean to shout.  Just a little on edge.  I mean, where is she???