Thirteen Lullabies | ✓

XI.II

"She doesn't want to see you, Roman." Victoria had yet to turn away from the map she was studying, Albert by her side.

I stared up at the vaulted ceilings of the drawing room, though I was unable to appreciate the beauty of the paintings above me. "I am aware. I just wish to see her one last time before I leave. I promise, I will leave if I can just have a minute to apologize." Victoria sighed and looked at Albert, who appeared rather uninterested in the entire conversation.

"Very well. She is in her chamber resting from yesterday's festivities."

After bowing to the king and queen of England, I walked as quickly as I could towards you, my love. And to think of what happened next haunts me to this day.

Just as I stepped to your chamber door, Lord Melbourne slipped from your room. As his eyes fell to me, a near sinister look passed over his face. He nodded at me, just as any other polite politician would in public, before brushing his shoulder against mine as he disappeared from view.

The door was still slightly ajar, and you were just about to close it when you saw me, eyes widening when you saw my expression. You opened the door wider, though you schooled your features into a look of disinterest. On closer inspection, I noticed that your eyes were red and swollen, and I felt a knife twist in my gut, for I knew that it was my fault.

"With your low opinion of me, you probably assume that Lord Melbourne was here for some nefarious reason or another. Not that I owe you any explanation, nor is it any of your business what I do, but Lord Melbourne was not here for anything like that. We simply have matters to discuss in regards to Victoria's rule."

"I believe you." I attempted to smile, but I assume that it came out more grimace-like than anything. "May I come in? Just for a moment."

You said nothing, but opened the door wide enough that I was able to move inside. You looked unsure about whether or not you should close the doors, and that hurt me a little, but I also understood.

"You need not close the door if that makes you uncomfortable. I am only here to say something before I leave." As if you were created simply to do the exact opposite of what I said, you closed the doors indignantly, though you didn't move away from them.

"You are leaving?" I heard the slight quiver in your voice, the change in octave as you attempted to understand my previous words.

"I must. You were right. I was a bloody idiot, and I am sorry. I was jealous and I said things I didn't mean. I just needed you to hear that before I left, so that you knew without a doubt that I do truly love you."

You inhaled sharply. "You can't love someone you don't know. And you have made it very clear that you don't know me."

My eyes shifted to the floor, knowing that this was really it, then. You were upset beyond repair, and it was entirely my fault. "No, I suppose not." I stepped closer to you, pressing a chaste kiss to your temple before setting my hand upon the door, ready to leave you for good if that is what you wanted.

Rather than letting me go, you grabbed the hand that remained by my side. In a soft whisper, you spoke. "I said some things I didn't mean, as well. You aren't the only one in the wrong. I apologize for making you feel like an outcast by telling you that you didn't understand the way the world runs now. I was hurt that your opinion of me was so low, and I lashed out."

You opened your mouth to continue your apology, but I pulled you close to me, finally closing the gap between us. Your lips met mine, as if you could read my mind.