Is That What You Wanted? (Ao no Exorcist )

~ Chapter 2 ~

|| TW: (safe)

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I feel a hand over my shoulder shaking me to wake up. It was Yukio, I didn't hear the alarm so he woke me up '' Wake up Rin, you're going to be late ''
I couldn't sleep well last night as well, it was hard to stop overthinking.
I quickly did my hair, dressed up and started walking to class.

As I enter the classroom I heard Bon's nice morning comments, '' Why is he even coming here?! He always sleeps in class... '' he said with a livid face as usual. '' Bon! Keep it down, what if he decides to burn us all? '' Konekomaru said. When will they stop? I'm sick of this, Yukio doesn't even care at all! I'm sure he thinks the same about me.
-Yukio entered the classroom and started his lessons.

[ Time skip ]

Another boring lesson had finished and I can finally go to the dorms and relax a little. All I could think of is the sweet touch of the blade on my skin, I just freaked out a little yesterday... it is not the first nor the last time I had done this,  but I have to keep it a secret from everyone, I can't listen to Yukio nagging me for that too.
As I reached the dorms and checked if Yukio was coming, I grabbed my box cutter and started to cut my wrists. I only made a few lines because Yukio could come in time at any time and I'm afraid he will see me.

It was almost lunchtime and I had to cook for him. I head off to the kitchen and started to cook, I saw Yukio coming to eat and so I served on our plates and started eating. I, however, put little food for myself, I don't think I can even eat normally anymore...
'' Rin you should eat more if you want to have enough energy to study'' Yukio commented'' Yeah sure, I'm just not very hungry'' I said.
He did it again, he only speaks about school, scores and studying, I can't hear these words anymore I'm sick of them! It's like my whole life is surrounded by a fucking piece of paper with numbers on it, even if I've defeated demons with a higher level than we are on, I'm still considered useless.

I washed the dishes and then I went to study. It was 2 am in the morning and I just finished... I can't understand how others finish their homework so quickly, I guess I'm just too stupid to figure out basic stuff.
I went to sleep and before I even got to close my eyes I felt a hand shaking me to wake up again. Ugh, how much sleep did I even get? Sure I might have gotten 4 hours of sleep but they felt like 30 minutes to me. I don't think I can make it today.
'' Yukio...I think I am gonna skip today... '' I said '' Why? Don't you feel well? ''   ''No, not that much honestly...''  '' Okay then give yourself some rest''.

Wow, I'm surprised he didn't say that I'm fine and I should go to school-

I even felt dizzy, it has to be because I skipped dinner to study. Sometimes I wonder how  I am still alive. Suddenly I felt cold sweat cover my whole body and everything I'd eaten making its way up my mouth, I think I am going to... I quickly put my hand on top of my mouth and run to the bathroom to throw up what I've eaten these days. I let everything out until I felt relieved
''Rin are you okay? '' I heard a voice of worry, it was Yukio he must've seen me run into the bathroom like that and got frightened.