not a day will go by when you are not on my mind
every year that will pass
the fireworks will light up the night
and i will think this is the time when i found out
you were growing in my belly
i will think this is the month the light inside of you burnt out
my birthday will pass and i will remember
that as i grow a year older,
you stay the same
a little star the size of a pea in my memories
every flower that i catch a glimpse of
if their colors are vibrant blue or purple
ill wonder if its an aster
with your soul and spirit remaining behind
to remind me of you
ill catch a glimpse of a brilliant sapphire
and think that would have been your birth stone
and how beautiful it would look adorned on your neck or your finger
september will come and go
and each day that passes my heart will ache
because if you were here
we could have been celebrating your birthday
instead i will sit in bed
with the shadow of your memory looming over me
counting the years and wondering how old you would be
december will arrive
christmas, the time of festivities
lights will adorn homes in every color you can imagine
but it wont be able to clear the darkness that will surround my mind
because i know
you will never experience the joy of seeing those lights flickering on as the sun sets
ill struggle to contain my tears
because you were conceived during this time
out of love, need and passion
but that same love, need and passion
wasnt enough to keep you
you will haunt me for the rest of my days
but id rather your presence be in every corner of my life
than me not know of your existence at all
1/13/19
