Better Than Milkshakes, Better Than Boys (girlxgirl)

[5]

Clay and I have been more distant than ever. I stayed for paella on Wednesday but every conversation we had felt forced and unnatural, the way it never used to be but always seems to be now. His abuela picked up on it as well, I could tell by the small pointed stares she was making at me and the subtle attempts at steering conversation she was doing.

I love her, but I don't think getting us to talk about what I'm wearing to April's party was really going to fix anything.

As fate would have it, Clay had football practice Thursday lunch and then had a debate team meeting today at lunch so I haven't seen him. I think even our friends know we're getting to breaking point because even April won't bring up Clay, and I know how much she likes to talk about him to me.

Sense the sarcasm.

I think everyone has noticed I've been drained of my usual energy and enthusiasm. I've been kind of quiet during lessons, trapped in my own head as I think about Clay and I's situation. Is there any chance of us fixing it, do I even want to? He's been my best friend as long as I can remember, and I know I love him, but am I in love with him like I should be? The fact that I'm finding my eyes wandering from him is a bit of a big signal, but I don't know if its just because I'm confused about where I stand.

Mackenzie Daniels is either the sign I've been looking for, or a passing distraction until I fix things with Clay. I'm not stupid and I'm not going to deny my attraction for her, even if she has been ignoring me all week. The fact I'm constantly finding myself checking her out or just looking at her in lessons to try and catch her smile is a sure fire sign that I'm not seeing myself as being with Clay, at least not emotionally.

God I sound like such a horrible person.

The worst part is I can't even talk to anyone about it. Nobody, not even April, knows that I like girls, so I can't exactly go up to her and say "Hey, just for background context I like girls, but tell me how to stop emotionally cheating on my emotionally distant boyfriend with a new girl who currently doesn't like me."

Yeah, not gonna happen.

"Hey!" I hear a voice call my name and I look over my shoulder to see the centre of my turmoil Mackenzie sliding through the crowd towards me. I can't help but feel my lips curl at the sight of her, her presence somewhat refreshing. Her hair is straight, the strands appearing white in the cheap lighting of the hallways. She looks great, as per usual, even when she makes minimum effort in a ratty band tee and a pair of figure hugging blue jeans with rips in the knees. I scold myself when I realise I've fallen straight into the Mackenzie Daniels lust trap I've been finding myself in this past week. "Come on Alex, just wait!"

I stop suddenly and feel her crash into my back, her hands going to my waist in order to steady both of us. I turn and glare at her, her face mirroring mine.

"Why didn't you stop?"

"Why did you stop!"

We both look at each other with annoyed looks on our face until Mackenzie cracks a smile, her teeth bared as she starts to laugh. I release a breathless laugh of my own and push my hair out of my face, my eyes looking down to see Mackenzie's hands still situated on my waist. I clear my throat awkwardly and she removes them like my skin is lava and burning hot to the touch. "Did you need me for something?"

Mackenzie shrugs as we walk side by side to our last lesson of the day, which just so happens to be the english class that we both share. She's walking so close to me due to the crowds of students rushing to their next lesson, and every time someone bumps her, her long slender fingers clash into mine and make my skin feel hot.

I can't remember the last time Clay's touch set my skin alight.

"Can't I just want to walk with you to class?" She says nonchalantly, her grey eyes occasionally side eyeing me.