Secret Trio

Chapter 34

I apologize for the very late update. The creative juices have run dry. I was able to finish this chapter only after rereading again the whole book. I've once again noticed some inconsistencies and hopefully when I am able to find the time, I will fix them. I cannot promise another update soon, but hopefully the creative juices flow now that I got to finish one chapter.

Last Updated. November 29, 2019

Not Edited.

ALENA

"What did you want to talk about?" Leo asks from beside me. 

We were seated in the swing sofa in the patio where all the important discussions seem to happen these past days. I chose to have our talk here though hoping that the beautiful night sky will help calm me down. Taking a deep breath, I say "The dinner earlier ..."

"What about it?" Leo asked curiously.

"... it was something that I imagined my life would be like when I first learned I was pregnant."

I close my eyes, fearing that I would succumb to my nerves if I looked at him.

"Of course I didn't expect to have three kids at once but you know ... Father at the head of the table ... having dinner together ... sharing and laughing about our day ...  white picket fence and all that. " I pause and shrug, saying "Instead I have this mess in my hands."

"Alen—"

"Don't get me wrong, I do not regretting having my little angels." I continue, not allowing him to cut me off. "But in those years of hardship,  sometimes I would wonder ... 'How different would things be if Leo was here?' ... 'Can I do this on my own?' ... 'What did I do to deserve this?'" I pause to look up the star-filled night sky as if I could find the answer there.

I take another deep breath to muster up my courage. You can do this Alena. I then look Leo in the eyes, not bothering to hide my vulnerability. "Am I that untrustworthy? That ... unlovable ... that you could not even put your faith in me Leo?"

At my words, Leo's face is stricken with guilt and sadness. Now that I had begun, I couldn't stop myself from continuing.

"You were my world Leo. And with you looking at me with disappointment ... with you refusing to listen ... with you impersonally asking for a divorce .... my world just came tumbling down. It hurt so much Leo, but knowing I had three children in my care I HAD to step up. But I still couldn't help but think ... I'm not strong enough ... I'm not worthy  ... I'm not good enough ..." This time I couldn't stop the tears from coming down. Admitting all my insecurities and pain was too much.

"Even when my business stabilised, I still don't think I'm good enough. Even when everyone has told me that I have raised my children well despite being alone, I still don't think I'm good enough." I pause to briefly wipe the rush of tears.

"People would ask why I wouldn't go on dates. I always said it was because I had a business on top of having to take care of the kids ... I was too busy ... I didn't have the time for dating ... but these are all excuses ... the truth is  I am too scared. The last time I gave someone my heart ... the man I loved so dearly ...  couldn't even love me enough to trust me ... that must mean I'm not lovable ... that there is something wrong with me."

I stop when Leo cradles my face with both of his hands, urging me to face him. Despite my hazy vision, I could see the tears also coming down Leo's eyes. I could see the pain, guilt, and sorrow etched in his face.

"I don't have anything to say Alena ... all I can say is sorry. I know I f*cked up big time. But like I told you before, my mistakes are my mistakes alone. It doesn't not implicate anything about you. In fact, it exposes who I really am. It has shown me that I am a bastard ... a worthless man because I couldn't trust you ... a worthless man because I've made you feel this way. A man should only lift up the woman he loves, not make her feel what you are feeling. A man should take care of his wife ... his children ... but I have not. I can only blame myself for all the time I lost with Laia ... with Lei ... Lucca ... and you."

As he gently caresses my cheek he continues "Alena you are the most BEAUTIFUL and SMART and STRONG woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I am beyond blessed to have you as the mother of our children. I was blessed to have once had your love ... but I messed up."

He holds on to my hands then says "I know you've made it clear before you don't want to have anything to do with me Alena but I want to be honest with you. You have my heart Alena, you've always had it. I broke your heart and if you will allow me I will spend everyday for the rest of my life trying to mend and earn it back." Leo says with so much conviction and determination.

His hold then tightens as he continues "But if you don't, I understand Alena. You are already very gracious for allowing me to be a part of our children's lives. For that I am forever grateful. So asking for you to trust me again with your heart is too selfish of me. But know that I will always be here for you and the children. You are not alone in raising our angels. You can share your burden with me. I will take care of you, Lei, Lucca, and Laila until my last breath. And come the time you allow another man to enter your heart, I will be there to make sure that man is worthy of you ... unlike me." He pauses and closes his eyes.

"It will hurt Alena. It hurts to have someone else holding you. It hurts even just thinking about it. But you have my word Alena once I make sure that he is worthy of you, even if you don't need it ... I will give both of you my blessing. All I ask is that you do not take our children away from me." He then pulls me to a hug.

I hug him back. Despite the many faults he has done in the past, he still holds a special place in my heart. Knowing that it was also difficult for him to say those words, I couldn't let myself push him away.

He hugs me tighter, as if afraid that this was not real. A few moments later, I am still in his arm when I say quietly "I didn't cheat on you Leo. He is a friend of mine, yes, but I only met him for coffee once because he wanted my advice regarding the renovation of his house. I have not seen him since that day."

"I believe you Alena. I should have believed you before. I should have listened to you. Not be blinded by those photos. Not be confused by the conflicting opinions of those around me. I should have trusted you. If I had, I wouldn't have lost all this time with you and the children. I would've saved you from all that pain and hardship. I wouldn't have broken you heart." Leo says, his voice laced with regret.

I couldn't think of anything to say in response, so instead I ask "Who could have sent you those photos Leo?"

"I don't know ... but I intend to find out now." He says tightening his hold of me.

We continue to hold each other, needing each other's support. With the many tears shed, and all the words said, being in his arms under the starry sky, I feel exhaustion fill me. I allow my heavy eyes to close, not warding off the sleep that is slowly enveloping me. Right before my consciousness drifts off, I hear Leo's whispered words.

"I love you Alena."