Starship Armstrong - Season 3

Part 57 - Coincidence and Misunderstanding (XIV)

The control unit for the engines was like the tip of an iceberg. It was the small protrusion into the pressurized section of the ship of a component that was otherwise at least twice the size of the habitable area.

It lit up with various displays and bleeped happily to indicate it was operating withing acceptable tolerances.

"This is it?" asked President Gibson, once he had watched the machine for a few minutes to make sure it wasn't gearing up to do something more interesting.

"Well yes," replied Lieutenant Chen. "None of the interesting parts are in the pressurized sections of the ship. And I can't send you out into the unpressurized sections on a spacewalk without proper certifications. That takes about six months."

"How then are we supposed to spend several hours here?"

"You're supposed to spend several hours here?"

Lieutenant Chen didn't like the sound of that.

* * *

The Terran delegation stood around the bridge looking uncomfortable. Their weapons bulged at the edges of their ceremonial outfits. The two Gibsons stood closer to the front, near the Captain.

"On screen, Ensign," said Captain Littlecrow.

The same image of irrefutable proof resolved onto the main screen. It showed the twin planets Terra and their mutually unusual orbit around the Sun.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?" asked President Gibson.

"Both Terras," said the Captain.

"Nonsense," said Gibson.

"It's true," replied Gibson.

"This is exactly what I expected. I commend your clever use of television screens but I have seen through your deception. There is only one Terra, this is not a starship but a secret base, now in the name of all mankind I demand you take me to your true leader: The false President who is also named Gibson but that part isn't strictly relevant!"

"I promise you, Captain Littlecrow is our leader," said Gibson.

"So do you deny that the false President Gibson is here?"

"Of course I do. He's not," lied the Captain.

"He's not?" asked Gibson.

"He's not," confirmed the Captain.

* * *

"If you'll just wait a bit longer..." Mitzner tried.

She was attempting to stop the Terran delegation from storming off back to the Shuttle Bay. Of course if she didn't want to hurt them there wasn't much she could do to stop them, and she didn't want to hurt them. Yet.

"I will not be insulted!" proclaimed President Gibson. "I am the President of the Human Homeworld! I. Am. Humanity. When your Captain is ready to treat me with the respect and honor I am do then I will considering listening to her grovelling apology!"

The only thing that was keeping the delegation from the Shuttle Bay was the fact that they still didn't exactly remember where it was. But they'd find it. Eventually.

* * *

Ensign Anhkbayar tore off for her quarters as soon as the shuttle arrived, just like the rest of the Ensigns. It took Agent Blue and Agent Green a while longer to peel away from the rest of the delegation without being noticed. Luckily they still had a bug on the target and were able to follow her back to her destination.

They listened through their bug while Anhkbayar watched an entire film about a dog finding its lost family. Agent Blue shed a single tear at the ending but did not sob. Agent Green made a note of this.

* * *

"I demand to see the so-called shuttle then!" insisted Gibson. "Half of my people will enter the shuttle and I will personally observe what happens when it allegedly takes flight. If your claims are genuine then you should have no objection to such an experiment."

"Fine," said the Captain. "If that's what it takes. We'll all go down to the Shuttle Bay and watch the Voskhod take off."

"Captain, we should use the Vostok," said Gibson. "It's better."

"Does it matter?" asked the Captain.

"Absolutely it does!" snapped Gibson. "We insist upon the better shuttle."

* * *

The Terran delegation, led by President Gibson, arrived in the Shuttle Bay through the right entrance. Meanwhile the Terran delegation, led by President Gibson, arrived in the Shuttle bay through the left entrance. It took both delegations more than a full standard minute to register what was going on.

"It's you!" shouted President Gibson.

"It's you!" agreed President Gibson.

"I was right!" yelled both President Gibsons. Then one of them added "The false Terrans have laid bare their neck! Cut off the head! Cut off the head!"

The Terran "diplomats" that had accompanied him up to the ship drew forth the clumsily hidden automatic weapons secreted about their persons and prepared to massacre everyone else in the room.

They aimed and fired. The Armstrong immediately saw what they were up to.

The first gun clicked, then the next. The others joined in and soon they were all clicking. No bullets were coming out and nobody was dying. It was a complete disaster.

"Not on my ship," said the Captain.

"They're trying to kill us!" exclaimed the other President Gibson. "Kill them!"

Both sides shouted and prepared to rush the other and fight bare-handed.

"Enough!" shouted the Captain. Everyone froze. 

"I have had enough from both of you. You're worse than children. You obviously have too much in common to ever get along and I'm done trying to make either of you see reason. If you both want to be lunatics on your own planets I'm inclined to let you. Commander Mitzner, you take the Terran delegation back to Terra. Ensign Takahashi, you take the Terran delegation back to Terra. We'll file a report and make this mess Uplift's problem."

"Commander Mitzner?" asked Gibson.

"Not. Now." the Captain snarled.

"Why are they being flown by a Commander but we only get an Ensign?" asked President Gibson.

"If you want to take it as a personal insult feel free," said the Captain, walking off. "If you object to the pilot I'm providing please also feel free to just live in the Shuttle Bay forever."

President Gibson decided to go with Ensign Takahashi after all.