Move on

I need you

Dean hesitated outside of Cas' hotel room door. He didn't even know where to start. He wasn't good at talking about his feelings. He ran a hand over his face and mentally cursed Sam for making him do this.

Dean raised a hand to knock when he saw Cas through the window. His stomach knotted as he noticed Thomas sitting next to Cas, a hand rubbing gently along his back. Dean remained frozen as he watched Cas reach over and place a hand on Thomas' leg.

Dean was too late. Cas had already moved on. Dean took a step back, not realizing a maid with a cart was walking behind him. He toppled into her with a loud clatter.

"Oh I'm, I'm sorry, I-"

"It's okay," She waved a hand as she continued to push her cart.

Dean turned back to see Cas and Thomas standing in the door.

"Dean," Thomas looked nervously at the hunter.

Dean pulled his eyes from the hunter and landed them on the angel. "Cas," he choked on the name.

"What do you want, Dean?" Cas huffed, his arms crossing.

"To...talk," Dean licked at his bottom lip, he hated how nervous he looked. He was a Winchester for crying out loud. He hunted monsters and ghosts. He stopped the apocalypse for goodness sake. But he couldn't tell Cas that he was sorry? Or that he loved him?

"We already did that," Cas growled out.

"I'm sorry," Dean blurted. It came out strained and insincere.

Cas narrowed his eyes.

"I'm gonna go get a soda," Thomas stepped by Dean quickly.

"I don't want to hear it, Dean," Cas crossed his arms over his chest.

"I know and I get it, I wouldn't want to hear it either, but...I'm sorry. I don't blame you, not really. I just...I need you and-"

"Stop," Cas held his hand up, forcing Dean to cut off mid sentence. "That's your problem, Dean. You need something. It's never that you want something."

"You're right," Dean nodded, "I don't allow myself to have thing that I want. But sometimes... sometimes I allow myself to have what I need and Cas that's you."

"I'm sure you can find someone else to be your punching bag," Cas snapped, going to close the door.

Dean put his hand up to stop it, "But I don't want someone else."

Cas glared causing Dean to run a hand over his face.

"This is coming out all wrong," he huffed.

"Just say what you want to say and stop beating around the table."

"Bush," Dean corrected.

"What?" Cas snapped.

"It's beating around the bush."

"Goodbye, Dean," Cas once again went to close the door.

"I love you, Cas," Dean blurted then.

Cas halted, a confused frown pulling at his features.

"Shit, that came out...look, I'm not good at this and I don't know..." Dean ran another hand over his face.

"You don't treat the ones you love that way, Dean," Cas spoke, his voice quieter than before.

"I know and that's the problem. I was doing that because I couldn't accept how I felt, and I'm so sorry," Dean's tone was pleading now.

"Saying sorry doesn't change what you did."

"I know but...give me a chance man, please. Just come back."

"You're just saying this because you need me," Cas glared once again. He refused to give in just so Dean could turn around and do it again.

"I do need you," Dean nodded, hoping Cas would finally understand.

"I'm dead to you, remember?" Cas snapped.

Dean huffed, dropping his head. "No, you're not. Do you even know what it was like for me when you were dead? Before jack brought you back? You do these risky things on your own and then I have to deal with the consequences, like your death. I nearly didn't survive that."

Cas rolled his eyes.

"I'm being serious, man," Dean took a step forward, pushing the rest of the door open. "Billie wouldn't let me die. She said it wasn't my time," his voice broke.

Cas frowned. He hadn't heard this story.

"I tried. I saw no point. I was lost without you."

"Then why do you always push me away?"

Dean shrugged, "Cause I'm broken." There were tears in his eyes. "That's why I need you."

"Umm, excuse me," Thomas' voice spoke then.

Anger surged through Dean as he whipped around to face the other hunter.

"Your motel door was open and Sam's not around, I tried calling his phone but he left it behind," Thomas jabbed a thumb over his shoulder.

Dread washed over Dean as he shoved past Thomas, and out the door.

Dean reached their motel room to see that the door was in fact open. The keys to the impala were untouched on the table, Sam's bag was still on his bed. His wallet, phone and room key were on his side table.

"Sam?" Dean called out, but there was no answer. "Sammy," He tried again.

"Dean," Cas pointed to the abandoned cleaning cart outside the door.

"Son of a bitch," Dean swore. What if the maid wasn't the maid at all?

"We should check the security footage," Thomas headed for the front desk.

Rage bubbled inside Dean. He grabbed the nearest lamp and threw it, shattering it into the wall.

"Dean," Cas huffed. He took a step towards the hunter, wanting to comfort him.

"We shouldn't even be here. We should have let you two handle it," Dean snapped bitterly.

"Let me guess this is somehow my fault too?" Cas snapped, no longer in the comforting mood.

"Don't do that," Dean glared.

"Do what?"

"Make this about you," Dean barked.

Cas' jaw clenched.

Dean slumped his shoulders, "I'm sorry, Cas, I'm just...it's Sam," he looked up at the angel with pained eyes.

"You'll find him," Cas turned to walk away but Dean reached out, catching the angel's arm.

"Cas, wait, please, you gotta help me find him."

Cas sighed. He couldn't say no. It was Sam after all. "I'm only doing this for Sam. As soon as he's back safe, Tommy and I are leaving."

Dean wanted to argue but he knew it wouldn't do him any good. Right now he needed to find Sam.