A Desperate Deed

Closer to the abyss

He who has overcome his fears will truly be free. Aristotle

The days had become shorter. Sometimes, it was already in the afternoon dark. The permanent grey sky prevented the day to become alive. Harry couldn't even remember when he last saw the sun shining. The mood was at its all-time low.

Now that the autumn was nearing its end, most of the trees were already without their leaves; everything appeared even more hopeless to him. He didn't know anymore what to do. They hadn't gotten further than with Ron before he had abandoned them.

Neither Harry nor Hermione had any more ideas where to look for Horcruxes. They had nearly no information to work with. Each day it became more difficult to stay hidden, after all, they were everywhere wanted, and at some point, Harry was sure, they'll run out of luck.

On top of it, all the fears they had to endure, was this damned Slytherin medallion, which they had to carry around their necks every day. It made both so much more emotional and vulnerable. Harry didn't know what effect it had on Hermione he, however, felt angrier but mostly throughout depressed.

They were just two teenagers, who were fighting against a whole army of trained witches and wizards with hardly any information, not enough food; if he was honest with himself, it was indeed all in vain. All they had left was each other. In what kind of terrible nightmare he had dragged Hermione?

Determined he took off the medallion and walked in the roomy tent. It usually was Hermione's turn for the watch, yet she was pouring disheartened over her books looking to find anything useful at all. She was even less in any state to take over the watch or the medallion, which would only drag her even further down.

"Hermione." he croaked, they hadn't said a single word to each other in several hours.

Tiredly she turned to him. Even at this defuse light; he couldn't ignore how lifeless her eyes appeared and how thin she had become. He probably didn't look much better, yet it bothered him far more to see her in such a bad state. It felt like watching a bright fire slowly dying, perhaps the last fire in his life.

Wordless she stood from the wooden bench and walked over to him to take the medallion, however, he didn't give it to her. She looked at him, questioning.

"We need to talk." he explained quietly.

For days it had worked in him. He lost the courage often enough to speak up because he knew, how Hermione would react to this. But he needed to say it aloud or, he slowly realized, his fears would eat him up.

"What if -"

"I don't want to hear anything about this!" She hissed while turning determined her back on him again and returned to the bench.

She had guessed what Harry wanted to talk about. He should've known it.

"We don't make it?" He continued. He sat down right by her side.

"We'll find and destroy all Horcruxes then we'll defeat You-know-who forever!" She half-heartedly replied.

"Do you really believe this, Hermione?" He searched her eyes, but she avoided to look into his.

"I've to believe in it, what else is there left?" She had tears in them by now.

To speak out his fears like that let them appear much more real. He believed it would probably cause Hermione to start losing hope for a happy ending. But he knew at the same time Hermione wasn't stupid; she probably had similar thoughts, just she was better in covering them up.

"Honestly? I don't believe in it anymore. We'll be damn lucky if we survive till the end of this year." He finally said it, and he sounded absolutely rational doing so.

"Oh, Harry, please!" She exclaimed and held a shaking hand in front of her mouth.

"We won't ever see Ginny or Ron again." Slightly, his voice was breaking.

In an attempt to comfort him, Hermione laid her hand on top of his.

It was terrible to speak like that; on the other hand, it was unbelievable liberating too. They knew both how slim their chances were to survive the second magical war.

"We only have each other and who knows how long." The possibility to lose her too, to die all alone got to him more than he had expected.

Harry felt how his eyes started to sting. He, no, they were too young for all this. Hermione put her arms around his torso and leaned against him.

"We'll make it. I'll do anything for it!" She said this quietly but resolute.

"Truly, I admire your stubbornness, but even the brightest witch can't prevent the inevitable." Harry insisted.

"But we can't just give up." Slowly his hopelessness reflected on her. There were no counter-arguments left for her.

"No, but we can properly use the time left we have. I always wanted a family of my own." He sounded wistful now.

Harry could feel how Hermione watched him with empathy. She knew about his heart desire, his dream. It hurt, even more, knowing he never might fulfill it. She too wished to have a family again, who remembered and would miss her.

Suddenly recklessly Harry turned to Hermione. The solution was so close, really.

"Marry me, Hermione!" He exclaimed, and to her horror, he really meant it.