Chapter Ten

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Chapter Ten

(April 12, 2011)

33 Weeks

Lucca's Point of View

"... I don't think I can do this...," I mumble to myself as I turn the page. I was reading a random parenting book that I checked out from the library outside of school.

I'm so close to the end and I am so scared. I have no idea what I'm doing, what I'm going to do... My baby loves to remind me that he's with me. He kicks a lot... I'm almost convinced I'm giving birth to the next star soccer player. Jason did play soccer in his freshman year from what he had told me, so it made sense.

I feel a kick and I smile, I put the book down and touch my stomach, moving my thumb in a circular motion. I can't wait to meet my little baby. I hope I do a good job at raising him. I'm just worried about how I'll finish school now without leaving him with my aunt and uncle. I can't trust my uncle with my baby... Maybe if I can ask them for my social security card or something I can finally get a job, save up, and move the hell out of there.

"Feeling restless, baby boy?"I mumble, "You're practically almost here! I need to come up with a name for you, honey... We'll see what Nathan and Tony can help out with later..."

Mentioning Nathan's name left me kinda bummed out. Nathan was going out with Sophie, I'm not surprised. She is gorgeous and most importantly a girl. They go out at least once or twice a week, sometimes she'll be in their dorm room when we watch movies. It's crazy how it took one night for Nathan to fall into Sophie's grasp. He genuinely looks like he loves her, especially on movie nights when they cuddle. Tony will sometimes act pretty chilly with her, but she'll take it with a smile. Tony and I have been having a lot more study sessions because while I tutor him, he keeps me on track with my homework. I've been getting pretty lazy about doing my homework, but thankfully Tony has been helping me.

I hear a knocking at my door and I sigh. I locked it earlier without realizing it, "Coming..." I groan as I get out of my comfy bed. I get to the door and open it. I smile, it was Tony.

"Hey dude. Nathan should be coming soon, he's just out with that chick..." Tony mumbles the last part, "In the meantime, ready to do some homework?" He asks as I take a step back to let him in. He closes the door behind him.

"To be honest... not really," I sigh and go back to sitting down on my bed, "Is it bad that I feel like I can't do this? This is too much... I'm always so tired, I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like I'm going to be a fuck up of a parent... " I start tearing up and feel embarrassed about it. I'm such a cry baby.

Tony grabs the wooden chair by my desk and sets it by the bed, then he sits in it and hands me a tissue. "I don't know how helpful I'll be... but, dude, perfect parents don't exist. I don't care what anyone says, they don't exist... What matters is you care about your baby. I can tell, Nathan can tell- hell, anyone could tell you care about your son. This baby isn't even here yet and it's so obvious! I'm sure your family will help you through this, right?"

I sniffle and a few tears stream down my cheeks. I never told them about my parents, how would that information come out in a normal conversation? I shrug and wipe my tears with the tissue.

"Yeah I guess... I'm just anxious..."

There's a knock and the door opens, it's Nathan with a bright smile on his face until his eyes meet mine.

"Lucca what's wrong?" Nathan asks softly as he enters my dorm and closes the door behind him.

The thing that should be the least of my issues, but is the cherry on top of a depressed and messed up sundae. I still can't get over these feelings of hurt and envy. It doesn't help that when Sophie looks at me... it's like she knows I'm hurting over this, every little smirk or smile from her is like she's chipping away at my already broken heart from all the other issues I have. My main focus is wanting to be there for my baby, but... I also wanted someone to go through this journey with me as my partner or something... When Nathan had said 'yes' to the doctor at my ultrasound, I thought I had a glimmer of a chance... I know I need to move on and focus on other issues, but it's hard and it gives me anxiety.

"I'm scared..." I croak out as the flood gates have now opened and the tears flow freely. Tony and Nathan look at each other for a split second, they then sit next to me (sandwiching me), and side hug me.

"Everything will be ok..." Nathan says softly, "You're almost at the finish line and it will be so worth it and great!"

"You're not getting rid of us dude," Tony chimes in, "We're here for you."

"What did you think we would abandon you all summer?" Nathan asks, but before I have the chance to answer, he continues "Well, we won't. We'll hang out all summer as much as we can!"

"...Thank you guys..." I sniffle and wipe my cheeks, ",but I live pretty far away and it would be inconvenient..."

"We'll figure it out," Tony shrugs, "Besides, I can't wait to check in from time to time on...uhm... Have you figured out a name?"

My cheeks flush a bright red from embarrassment, "I-I haven't... I was actually going to ask for your guy's help on this... There's too many good choices..." I mumbled at the very end.

"MMmmm... Cody?" Nathan asks.

"Ew no," Tony says before I said anything, "Anthony is a great name, Lucca-"

"Even worse than my choice," Nathan mumbles, "How about Jake?"

I accidently made a face at the name 'Jake', I was definitely not a fan of that name. Something told me that my son would not be a Jake.

Tony sighs, "Let's avoid J names because those are usually the douchiest kind of guys... Let's also avoid Chad while we're on the subject of avoiding."

Nathan nods, "Looks like you have a lot of work to do," he says as he looks at me with a faint smile.

I groan, "I'm running out of time to be ready for names and baby stuff..."

"Have they not been preparing for the baby back home? I heard you live with your aunt or something right?" Tony asks.

"I haven't told my aunt yet..." I mumble, "I should have, I've just been an anxious mess about it. I'll tell her tomorrow or something."

"What about Lucca Jr.?" Nathan asks with a smile.

I snorted, "Absolutely not!"

"Hmmm Adrian?"

I smile faintly and shake my head. That was my dad's name, but I wouldn't want my child to be named after him. "It's a good name, but let's think of other ones..."

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