Jimmy's POV
When I left JLB, the last place I wanted to go back to was Tessa's. So I drive around the D for a while, stewing in my anger. Eventually though I have to head back there. I need to pick up my sister.
It's very late, so they're both asleep when I let myself in. I get a good idea of what they were up to while I was gone by just looking. The TV is still on, showing the end credits of some movie. A half empty bowl of popcorn and coloring books are on the coffee table. Lily's hair is braided and she has a small smile on her face as she sleeps soundly cuddled up next to Tessa on the couch, sharing a blanket.
I haven't moved from my spot by the door since I arrived a few minutes ago, just watching them. Thinking.
But I don't know what to think about all this. I acted on impulse back at the station. Filled with rage I didn't ask questions, I just beat the fuck out of Wink- he at the very least deserved it for just saying that shit about her.
But now, I'm wondering why I just assumed it was true. What proof do I have besides what Wink said? He bullshits, exaggerating the truth. So what really happened between them?
Tessa told me she wasn't Wink's ex, that she barely knew him. And I believed her. But Wink said he knew her really well. I brushed it off then, but now...
If it's true, it'd explain why she acts the way she does around him. She was like Future, never wanted nothing to do with Wink, annoyed at everything he said. I noticed. I didn't know what that was all about, but clearly there's something between them. She didn't look like she disliked him when she was sitting by him in my mom's trailer laughing with my family either.
Looking at Tessa now, it's hard not to picture Wink. His hands on her. His lips. Him fucking her and her enjoying it. It burns into my mind, erasing everything else.
My mind keeps going off in every negative direction, imagining the worst possible scenarios. And I can't stop it, my anger and jealousy raging.
Was she lying when she said I was the only guy she's seein'? How many times has she been with Wink? Did they fuck before I met her or after? Did he get her in bed as easily as I did? Is there more than just Wink and I in her rotation? Is she fuckin' her new neighbor too?
And why did she lie? Why was she hiding this from me? I wouldn't of cared if she just told me, even though the thought of her with him- with anyone but me- makes me mad enough to kill. I wouldn't have directed my anger at her. I can accept she was with other people before me- as long as it was before me. And I'd get over it.
But she didn't tell me and I feel betrayed now. Wink was my friend and Tessa is my girl. If it's true, why didn't either of them say anything? And why is Wink going around talkin' 'bout how he fucked her? Implying he will again- did she give him that impression? What the fuck?
I have so many questions. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and give her the chance to explain it all to me, giving me every detail so we can talk it through. At the same time I don't want to hear any of it. I want to hold her in my arms and pretend like the last few hours never happened. I want her to tell me none of this is true. And I want to wake her the fuck up and scream at her too as I tear her place apart.
But most of all I want to tell her I love her- because I do, I fuckin' love her- and I just want her to love me too.
I can't do any of that though. Not now. Not here, while Lily is sleeping. Not while I'm so on edge, I won't be able to control what I say and do. Not with Wink's blood still on my hands.
