Command Me To Be Well [Completed]

12 - A dead end

"Your plan is a good one," says Master Auberon.

He's sitting on my bed. His eyes show no sign of the fact that he woke up just a few minutes ago. They are as piercing and unnerving as ever.

I told him everything I have seen. Everything I could come up with. I told him about the dead end too, the barrier, which my thoughts have found impenetrable.

That's why I don't understand him.

"My plan is just a plan without a conclusion," I tell him.

"No, it's not," he says.

"But it comes to a dead end. I can't move away from there. I can't go on."

"I noticed it." He nods. "But maybe it's not necessary to try to move on from there at all."

"What?"

"A dead end is a dead end," he says, touching my hair with unexpected gentleness. "It's called that for a reason."

I feel a strange uneasiness pooling in my stomach.

"It's a fitting name," he goes on. "It just means that those who enter there, don't come back."

I shake my head. I can't follow him.

"You can't find a solution," he says, looking me deep in the eyes, "because your way of thinking avoids dead ends by default. But, in this case, your otherwise brilliant mind is wrong. In the military, a dead end can be a solution too. It's just a fatal one."

I shake my head again. With much more emphasis this time.

"It's called a suicide mission," he declares.

I feel queasy.

"So, it's still not a solution," I insist. "We just have to keep thinking, and find a real one."

"For you, it is not," he says, touching my hair again. "You're not a soldier. That's why I'm here. To be rational. To make decisions. To make the sacrifices that have to be made.

"Oh, I know very well how to make sacrifices. I made mines too."

"Yes, you did." He nods. "And it almost killed you. I literally had to pull you back from your little trip visiting the queen."

"You know what?" I snort, with a slightly hysterical edge in my voice. "I'm a Seer for a reason. And I see that this will kill you with certainty, not just almost."

Now he touches my face too. His hands are calloused and clumsy, absolutely not suitable for caressing. Even less for calming someone down. They are designed to kill.

"You're probably correct," he says, with an almost apologetic smile.

"And that's why there must be another plan," I sigh, trying to conceal how emotional I am.

"There isn't," he points out. "You're a Seer for a reason. If you haven't found one, it means there isn't one. And you know it perfectly well."

"I don't," I protest.

"You're a liar." He smiles, caressing my face. "A Seer and a liar. A confusing combination."

"How do you know that?" I ask. "Is it written over my head?"

"I don't need your skills to see it. Your eyes give everything away."

"No, they don't." I shrug. "They are the eyes of a human computer."

"Oh." He grins. "The Seer's credo, right? To see, but never interact. To recognize emotions, but never sympathize. To see people as little dots, not as humans."

"Exactly." I nod. I wish I sounded less defensive than I do.

"If you were a human computer," he says softly, "you wouldn't try to protest now. You would do what a Seer does best. Not only seeing the little dots, but deciding on their fate without mercy."

I try to cut in, but he puts his finger on my lips.

"I'm a little dot," he says. "And you know that it must be done."

I shake my head, trying to come up with an argument. But he doesn't let me speak.

"Whom else would people follow, knowing that there's no way back?" he asks, still caressing my face, as if he was trying to hypnotize me, lulling me into a false sense of safety. "If we go for the queen, there will be no way back. The moment the swarm realizes that the battle for the Gate is only for distraction, they will come after us. We won't be able to return. Even if the queen is dead, we will be dead soon too."

I shake my head again.

"Can't you just..." I mutter, letting my voice trail off. I don't say out loud what I wanted to say. That he could stay with the main forces. I know that he can't. I might not be a perfect human computer, but I'm not an instinct-driven fool either. No matter how much easier that would be at the moment.

"Hey, no worries," he says, "it was a calculated risk."

He's repeating my words. But not in a mocking way. He's dead serious.

"Just like in your case," he goes on. "I've been forced to watch you dying four times already. With blood coming out of your nose. With your breathing stopping for minutes. With your soul escaping your body, leaving an empty shell to me. It's not that different, is it?"

"Except that you never were forced to kill me," I tell him, avoiding his gaze. I know already what he's going to say. And, the worst thing is, I wholeheartedly agree with him.

"Don't be stupid," he groans. "You simply can't say this. You're a Seer."

"I can't, now can I?" I shrug. "But what if I'm not like you? What if I'm not a slave of the humanity? Huh?"

"I know you are." He grins, taking my face in his hands. "There are millions in those underground shelters. Waiting for you to do your duty. If you don't, they are dead. It's as simple as can be."

I hate to look in his eyes, but I can't turn away. He must be right. My eyes give away everything. My words are my last line of defense.

"So, you can play the savior again. I bet your statue will be bigger than the Eiffel Tower."

"I hope so." He smiles. "Size doesn't matter is just bullshit, right?"

"Do you?"

"No," he chuckles. "I hope that you, as a sane and reasonable member of the Council, will do everything within your reach to hinder it."

I feel tears prickling my eyes, but I don't let them escape.

"Alright." I shrug. "I can do that. But hey, I don't think I'll be there. Truth is, with or without our so-called plan, most probably we'll all die tomorrow."

"True," he says. "But in that case, at least we tried."

"Yeah." I nod, putting my hands on his. "So no biggie. What's the difference, dying here, in a jet, or a few months later, in a shelter? Nothing. If it must be done, it's even slightly better while fighting."

"Exactly."

"You have to go and tell them," I sigh.

"I know," he says. For a second, it seems that he's going to lean closer, but then he just closes his eyes, stands up, and walks out without looking back.