apotelesma - o. tooru

le début.

hi everyone! it's me, carms!

wow. it's been a hot minute since i last wrote anything on this platform. well to be honest, i've written things and then shoved them away into my drafts, and then subsequently deleted them because i no longer experienced the same emotions or thought processes as i did when i first wrote them down. i guess you could also factor in how  everything in my life seemed to take twists and turns  ever since october of 2018 (damn, a year and a half ago). a couple of things have changed! i've graduated school and now a first year biomedical sciences student at trinity college dublin. while it's a far cry from what i used to tell you all about (that is, musical composition and performance), i'm having fun in my course and i've made loads of new friends that are genuine at heart, and i couldn't have asked for better. this is starting to sound more like a journal entry than the opening to this work.

for those of you who have stuck around since january 2017, you'd have known me to write my first ever, properly thought out fanfic, "intergalactic love". at the time, i was just coming into my habits of being a writer and getting a feeling of how writing actually works, which is why intergalactic love is choppy, messy, and way too rough around the edges. i started that book with too much excitement and not enough of thinking, which frankly, factored in from the environment i had surrounded myself in at the time. thus it reflected into my work, but at the end of the day, when i read it after a couple of months of publishing seven chapters of it, i knew i could do better. much better. i could improve so much and make that what it's really meant to be: a thoughtful and moving work.

at the time of writing intergalactic love, i was in the middle of my first ever relationship, and the emotions and thoughts i felt during those times projected itself into the words i wrote, and therefore, hold no meaning now in this present time. i've left that relationship a year and a half ago, and i've gone through such emotional change that reading intergalactic love now feels more like a children's book rather than something from a mature mind. hence why i unpublished her and stored her away in my drafts (she's still there!) and subsequently unpublished all of my other work. i have grown up, and my skills-for the most part, i like to believe-have matured as well. there were attempts to bring it back; i wrote up something entirely new called "moonchild", but i stored that away in the drafts as well because i couldn't continue it. which brings me to why i stopped updating intergalactic love in the first place.

as mentioned before, i wrote it while i was just getting through the first year of my relationship.  i was happy and content but eventually my "interests" took a toll on the thing, and it led me to stop writing intergalactic love even though i had so much planned out for it. after my relationship had ended i wanted to come back and edit it, but there was too much pain associated to the work that i eventually gave up on it. in the end, i just ended up giving up on all of my works, and unpublished everything.  i left wattpad and went onto twitter and threw myself into the busyness of senior year, and when i came back towards the end i saw how much the platform i grew up with had changed. that partially threw me away from writing, and i only came online to clear my notifications lol.

things have changed since then. i've caught up with friends and have changed drastically, if i do say so myself, for the betterment of my person. i occasionally come onto this orange capitalist hellhole (as i love saying and will continue to say until the day i leave this world) to shit on it and then log off and go back to twitter to cry about haikyuu! in that sense i really haven't changed (if anything i colored my hair lmao) but i like to think i've emotionally matured since 2018.

which is why i'm back here, writing this. apotelesma is intergalactic love, but she's emotionally matured and had a really great glow up. she's graduated college (i haven't but i like to think intergalactic love did), got a job, and is now financially stable enough to live in a big city in a penthouse (oh the dream!) she's stunning and glowing and she's doing so well!! so let's clap for this babygirl, she really did us a sneaky!

apotelesma is published on the  sixth anniversary of me being on wattpad. six years, can you believe it? i've had people following me since i wrote my first lord of the rings fanfiction at a  mere twelve years of age (this is not the bragging right i think it is, but excuse me). apotelesma is born out of quarantine boredom and feelings of unrequited love that have since passed. it's born out of my love for aoba johsai, the seijoh third years, and most importantly, oikawa tooru, who has become a comfort character in these very annoying and stressful times. i've spent TOO many nights crying about seijoh and oikawa tooru that i decided to channel all of that energy into writing. so here it is, apotelesma, a work on oikawa tooru. six years of writing have brought forth this  to you, so please take care of her.

i sound too dramatic for my own good. but i think it's a nice touch to add. i hope you like reading it as much as i liked writing it! and i would like to thank you all for your unconditional support over the years, especially to the two who really defined most of my time here on wattpad, micha and een <3 i've been best friends with them for the past four years, and honestly i wished i had known them since i first started wattpad. you both have completely changed my life in ways i can't begin to explain, and the amount of love i hold for the both of you is beyond words. thank you so much for your unconditional love and support over the years, and to the many late-night giggles and screeching sessions we've had. i only wish for many more <3

carms stop being emo challenged failed.

my decision for changing the title from intergalactic love to apotelesma is something i've thought long about. i wanted to keep it as intergalactic love but then i changed it to cosmically interwoven, and it struck me how childish it seemed. for some reason, i couldn't see myself saying  "i've updated cosmically interwoven!" it never stuck with me. one day while  i was going through my google photos i came across a tumblr post i had found on pinterest that was a  list of words in latin that related to the stars. on it was apotelesma, which mean the influence of stars on human destiny. while it might sound superficial, it resonated with me with how, even still to this day, people make wishes on shooting stars, and spend countless hours studying the stars. how our love for the cosmos and that great, wide expanse of darkness has attracted our curiosity for ages and which some of us have found love and hope in it. hence why i gave this the name apotelesma, because i truly believe that human destiny is shaped and influenced by the stars, even if we never really see it. small things that help shape our future and determine what lies ahead for us.

as a gift from me to you, to thank you for all the support i've received over these past six years, i'm publishing the first six chapters of apotelesma today (and this is totally not to compensate for the fact that i now have been notified of two final exams, nuh uh not me sir)!

here she is: "apotelesma - o. tooru". a book by carms

started: april 17th, 2020.