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33.

I can hear myself gasp the second Ashton finishes. My head is spinning and I can feel my blood freeze, as if mud is being carried through my veins instead. My heart skips a beat, and I almost find myself gripping the collar of his shirt and pulling him towards me, but I stop myself before I even move a finger.

He can't just agree to ending things with me and then ask me for a kiss. Even if he makes it clear that it would be the last time our lips meet. I am at a loss for words and I have trouble figuring out what I am thinking, and what on earth I should do.

I want to kiss him, and I want to kiss him a damn lot, but I can't. Not now when I am in the middle of convincing myself that I don't want him. If I kiss him, all my efforts of staying away from him will go to waste and I can't afford to let that happen.

Ashton continues to stare at me with curiosity sparkling in those lying hazel eyes of his, and I look back at him, completely baffled. It takes me several seconds to gather my thoughts and shake the reckless needy ideas out of my head. Then, after at least ten seconds, I open my mouth to speak. My throat is dry and the reply sounds less confident that I want it to.

"Just go," I tell him, shaking my head again. I take a step forward, pushing the door slightly.

"Okay," he responds, and I know that he is disappointed but I don't care. Or at least try not to. "I get it... It's fine. It was a stupid thing to ask anyway," he mumbles, running his long fingers through the mess of hair on top of his head.

My heart sinks at the expression displayed across his face but I try to push the image to the back of my head and ignore it.

"I better go. Have fun with Michael," he smiles, but I know that the gesture is forced. His eyes crinkle at the edges and he gives me a brief nod, looking at me one more time before taking a step towards the door.

"Ashton?" I say softly, stopping him from leaving.

He looks at me over his shoulder, his hopeful eyes meeting mine.

"Good luck with Laura. I wish you the best," I say and mean it.

He responds with another gentle nod, then leaves, shutting the door behind him.

My mind is in a chaotic mess as I press my back flat to the door and slowly slide down the surface to sit on the floor. I pull my knees up to my chest, inhaling deeply as unwanted tears threaten to fall from my eyes. My breathing becomes shallow and I know that I am seconds from breaking apart.

Why I am crying, I have no clue, but I do know that I can't hold it in anymore. I can't be strong forever. I need moments to let myself be vulnerable too, and despite my tough shell, I am weak and fragile inside.

I used to be able to go months without crying, but ever since I met Ashton, I have found myself breaking down more often than I have ever before. It's frustrating, and I haven't yet figured out why he has such a strong impact on my feelings, but I hope that I will manage to get a grip on them now that all the mess between us is sorted.

My chest aches at the thought of allowing him to go back to Laura and have his stupid happy ever after with her. I know I am crazy to even think that there could be something more than messy hook-ups between us, but I can't help but feel drawn to him. The moral side of me knows that even if he ever did try to have something more with me, - which alone would be absurd since I am who I am and the only person who can bear with me for longer than an hour is Michael - I could never agree to it. I would be dating a guy who is a two-faced, cheating asshole. What would that say about me? It's simple; it would say that I'm an idiot.

Minutes pass before the tears finally stop and I end up walking back into the bathroom and switching on the shower. The makeup I haven't removed has stained my cheeks - which are red from crying.

Sighing, I grab the wipe I have left on the counter and begin to clean my face, the hazel eyed drummer never leaving my thoughts.

I need to just forget him. I need to take my mind off of everything and pretend like nothing ever happened. I plan that when I return home, I will focus on school work, go on a date with someone I like, and let myself forget the memories associated with Ashton.

The shower takes me just over twenty minutes and when I step out, I get dressed and do my makeup again. I pull my damp hair into a ponytail, grab my leather jacket from my suitcase, sling my bag over my shoulder and head for the door.

I have decided to wear a thin, long sleeved blouse that covers my bruised wrist and isn't too thick for this kind of weather. I should have just worn it this morning when we went to the radio station.

The corridor is empty, and when I knock on Michael's door, he opens it before anyone sees me.

"What took you so long?" He groans and steps aside to let me in. "I was about to go and tell you to hurry up. How long can I wait?"

"Sorry," I apologise, shrugging my shoulders and giving him an innocent smile.

Michael sends me a toothy grin, grabbing his phone and stuffing it into the back pocket of his jeans. I suddenly remember that I completely forgot to ask Ashton to give mine back to me, and by the time we get back to the hotel, Laura will already be here and they will be doing God knows what in their room.

My stomach drops and bile rises in my throat but I swallow it back down.

"Mike... Can you wait here for a moment? I need to go get something," I nervously ask, and Michael looks at me with his eyebrow cocked.

"Just give me a minute and I'll go with you," he smiles but I shake my head vigorously.

"No... Uh, I have to go on my own," I tell him.

Michael narrows his eyes but doesn't say anything as I retreat towards the door. I know that my panicked expression is showing, and that he doesn't have trouble seeing it. I have never been the one to hide my anxiety well, and Michael knows too much about me to miss such a thing.

"Are you okay, Sky?" He seems worried now, and takes a step towards me. My breath hitches in my throat as he makes his way across the room, and I know that if I don't get out, he will become even more concerned and follow me.

"I'll be back in a minute, I swear," I promise him, and before he even gets the opportunity to open his mouth, I am already running out the door and shutting it behind me.

I look back to see if Michael is following me as I rush down the hallway, praying that Ashton still hasn't left. Within seconds I am standing face to face with his door, and since Michael is no where in sight, I knock. Seconds pass and he still doesn't answer, so I begin to pound my fist against the hard wood.

I wait, and wait but the door isn't answered. And so, figuring that there is no point in standing there any longer, I release a frustrated sigh and tug at the end of my blouse to calm down.

"I'll just get it tomorrow," I tell myself, but knowing Laura she will find it and then demand answers as to why my phone is in his drawer. It's for his own good; I don't want Laura to find out about anything, especially not so soon.

It would be a good idea to text Ashton and tell him to bring it to my room later on, but I can't use Michael's phone to do that.

I guess I will just have to wait and see how this plays out.

And so, taking a tired breath, I make my way back to Michael's room.