The Switch Hitter (GxG)

Chapter 2

I slammed the passenger door of my sister Anna's car shut and flopped into the seat, releasing an overdue sigh. After a promising start, my first day had been exhausting. My classes were boring as expected, but moving in the middle of the school year had really set me back. I had a lot to catch up on before the week was over. 

Anna looked over at me, slouched in her car. "Rough day?"

I nodded. "It started good, but the rest was just long."

She studied me curiously, almost like she knew what I would say, then asked, "What was the good?"

I hesitated slightly. "I met a girl."

Anna smirked. "Did you now?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's not like that--"

"Sure it is."

I glared at Anna. She knew me too well. For my liking anyway.

"So what's she look like?"

"She's hot."

Anna cast me a sideways glance as she pulled out of the school parking lot. "That's it? That's all you remember?"

"No," I said impatiently. She waited for me to elaborate, but when I didn't, she continued.

"You gonna ask her out?"

I scoffed. "Hell no. You know that's not how I work."

She looked at me a few more seconds, then turned her eyes back to the road sadly. She knew it was true.

I've only been in a relationship once before. I was a freshman at my old school, and she was a sophomore. We hooked up at a party, and afterwards she asked me out. It ended after a week and one date when she caught me with another girl. Not only did this incident prove I had some serious commitment issues, I couldn't even remember either of their names.

Don't get me wrong, I've been with a lot of girls. But those were one night stands, and I tried to be gone before they woke up the next morning. And I never let myself catch real feelings.

Anna and I rode in silence the rest of the way home. I played with the straps on my backpack in the passenger seat and thought about Alyssa. Sure, she was hot, she had a great personality, and it seemed like we hit it off today, but that could mean anything. I didn't even have her number yet, so it wasn't like I could just text her. Even if I could've, I probably wouldn't have anyway. Feelings were scary. And relationships were even scarier.

Plus, I knew that even if I did work up the courage to try a relationship, my secrets would end it before my commitment issues could. I wouldn't open up to her. I didn't open up to anybody.

---

When we got home, I threw my backpack, crammed with binders and notebooks, on the floor by my desk. I pulled out my laptop, opened it, and took out my English homework. My first day, and I already had an essay due by tomorrow night. I sighed, resigning myself to a long night of homework, and pulled up a google doc.

But after staring at the blank page for twenty minutes I slammed by textbook shut disgustedly and flopped onto my bed. 

I pulled out my phone, then remembered that I had no friends, and no one to text. I sighed. Part of me wished I had gotten Alyssa's number earlier. Then maybe I wouldn't feel so damn lonely right now. Then I shook myself. I didn't need friends, remember? 

My Pre-Calc teacher had said that he would email me some practice problems from an earlier unit, so I checked. Sure enough, there they were, and I shuddered. I despised math. I am a lesbian, after all.

Then I saw an email from the school's athletic director, talking about softball open fields. Finally, something at this school I was actually interested in. Softball was my game. But before I clicked on it, I hesitated. Was I really ready to do this? I pushed the thought away. The past didn't bother me anymore. I opened the email and saw that they were being held after school starting next week on Mondays and Wednesdays.

"Anna they have softball open fields next week," I called.

She walked in from the kitchen and leaned against the door frame.

"I want to go," I continued.

"Are you sure?"

I could see the concern in her eyes.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah. I'm over it."

She seemed unsure, so I added, "I am. It doesn't bother me anymore."

She continued to eye me carefully, but said, "You still have all your shit?"

"It's all upstairs in the loft."

"Alright." She looked inquisitively at my desk.

I sighed. "I'll do it tomorrow."

"Sure you will."

Anna's sarcastic comment didn't stop me from climbing the stairs to the storage loft to get my softball bag. But before I started looking, I hesitated. Nearly all of these boxes were from my dad's house. They held a lot of painful memories that I wasn't sure I had the strength to face. Then I shook my head, determined not to let him get the best of me. Not here.

After about five minutes of digging, I found my green and black Easton bag. I sighed. It had my old school's mascot embroidered on the front, along with my last name and jersey number. 44. It used to be my lucky number. Now I doubted I'd ever be able to wear it again.

"Here's your jersey Sophia." Dad handed me a sleeveless travel league jersey.

I grabbed it quickly, examining it from every angle. "Number 44?" I said, confused.

"It was my lucky number from when I played baseball. Now it's yours," he said with a smile.

I giggled excitedly. "Thanks dad!"

"You're welcome sweetheart."

I smiled a little at that memory. It was one of the few good ones I'd had with my dad, back when I was 10. Before he found out I was gay, before he kicked me out. Sure, I had known he was a strict Catholic and our church preached that homosexuality was a sin, but I had hoped that maybe that he wouldn't see me as just a sinner. Maybe he would still see me as his daughter. I had held onto the good memories and hoped.

But not anymore. Now I knew that it didn't matter what we were before. Now we were strangers. And I was sure that it was better that way.

I went to pull my bag out and take it downstairs when I saw my green shin guards from back when I used to catch. I stared at them, finally leaning over to pick them up, and thought about the last time I had worn them. 

The TV blared.

"The heatwave rolling through Ohio will take the temperature in Warren County up to ninety today--"

No, I thought to myself, not again, no--

"High humidity making conditions outside nearly desert like--"

I could feel the weight of the memory bearing down on me, the memory of the last game I had played. Right after I'd--

"No," I said out loud. I was done reliving the past for today.

I threw the shin guards back into a random box and dragged my bag down the stairs. 

Anna was in the kitchen cooking. "You ok?" she asked.

"Yeah," I lied. Going up there, seeing those things, was a lot harder on me than I thought it would be. But Anna didn't need to know that.

She looked at me suspiciously, and I was sure she didn't believe me, but she didn't push the matter. "Ok, if you're sure. Dinner's gonna be done in 15."

"Thanks," I said. I went back in my room, glanced at my closed laptop and discarded textbook, and shrugged.

"I'll do it tomorrow."